HumanityCritic's thoughts on "My Block: Virginia"
MTV made my hometown look like Mayberry!!
"I find it funny that we recorded such a club-friendly record in such a desolate area of the world... But the good part about working in Virginia Beach... is like the joke we made. There really is nothing to do there. There's nothing but strip malls and Chick-fil-A's, and I think maybe one club in the whole Virginia Beach area." - Justin Timberlake
Right when I thought the coast was clear to like this shit-stain again, especially after seeing that "Dick in a Box" sketch and realizing that I was never a big Janet Jackson fan anyways. (Sure I'd let her borrow my cock, but there is a million other women I'd lend it to as well.) Who does this boy-band graduate think he is, dissing my state like there won't be punch-worthy repercussions? I don't go around disrespecting the way he sings - not even once did I say that his high-pitched crooning sounds like he spent the better part of his childhood angrily masturbating to Michael Jackson's Thriller album. Never did I express my gut feeling that he was slightly effeminate - so much, in fact, that I always felt that he was an ass whipping and an airing of Annie away from embracing cock full time. I kept those comments to myself. (I'm the last motherfucker who should be talking about anyone's preference in women - the other day I almost rationalized getting a blow-up doll because of her "inviting lips.") Regardless, Justin better look over his shoulder when he comes back. I live exactly two streets away from the studio where he records, and since there is a recently drained land mass right behind said studio, I'd like to get the chance to see if Mr. Timberlake would actually "cry me a river" as I beat the "Darren's dance moves" out of his ass.
I've talked my fair shit about Virginia before, no doubt, but this is the state where I was raised, the state where I had my first kiss, first fuck, first fight, first MC that I humiliated in rhyme form, and Justin better "pump his brakes" (as Ice Cube so succinctly put it). I guess I look at my hometown the same way one would look at an alcoholic Aunt or a kleptomaniac cousin: there's nothing wrong with you or other members of your family talking more shit than a proctology chat room. But if somebody outside the bloodline adds their miserable two cents, you have to quickly inform them their gum-flapping doubled their chances of getting kidnapped.
This brings me to "My Block: Virginia," surprisingly the worst episode of all the Podunk around the continental United States MTV has covered thus far. I don't really have an issue concerning how Pharrell or Timbaland was covered, but what was up with the Clipse hanging outside of Bridle Creek as if they were Mobb Deep chilling in front of their Queensbridge project and shit? Granted, I'm not the biggest Clipse fan in the world, but if you knew that area like I knew that area, the voluntary eye-rolls would cause your brain to explode like a watermelon dropped from a 20-story building. When they showed Trey Songz in Petersberg, Virginia, like it was some sort of concrete jungle, where daily hand-to-hands take place, and where two out of three black males get shot before the age of 12, I immediately thought that I was watching "My Block: Mayberry." (Get the fuck outta here. I won't even mention Quan taking Sway to some bum ass flea market.)
Justin has a point: there isn't a wealth of entertainment going on in my fine city, but for Christ's sake, it isn't that dull. When you cross over city lines, your face doesn't begin to melt off in boredom like the arc of the covenant was here, as much as the clip above suggests. They should have came to me to set things up - I know a shitload of interesting places - bars, legendary streets, and enough low self-esteem mammary owners to make VA Beach look like Las Vegas out this motherfucker!!!
Side note: The school that Kenna and Chad are standing in front of, Kempsville, is my alma mater. Chiefs represent!!!
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Comments
1.
R says:
What no mention of Teddy Riley?
02/27/2007 at 1:37 AM
2.
Simplenigma says:
LOL @ Justin critique...funny as hell, but I'm still feelin' quite a few songs from his album.
Like anything else, it's all about the marketing. Reminds me of the Jamaica tourism ads that show white pristine beaches and lazy sunlit terraces, couples holding hands strolling into the sunset. Far cry from the Jamaica I know, let me tell ya! LOL.
02/26/2007 at 7:21 PM