Ann Coulter is No Different than David Blaine or Criss Angel
Maybe it has something to do with me just advancing in age, I'm 33 years old now and my genital area has so many grey hairs down there that it resembles an unlit cigar in an ash tray - but its become extremely difficult to shock me any more. There was a time when I would literally run in the other direction if a woman that I was courting felt compelled enough to tell me that she had over 200 lovers, I'd probably rush home to sanitize my telephone based on all the dirty conversations we've had - but I'm different after being intimately involved with a pornographic actress, now I'm shocked when I learn that a woman hasn't been "tag-teamed", had a steamy lesbian encounter, or been on the business end of a horse phallus. The other day when a fist-fight erupted at one of the local watering holes that I frequent, I noticed that I was the only who didn't try to get a front row seat to the melee - while haymaker punches were thrown in my vicinity I just stayed at the bar face down in my Rum and Coke. Not because its beneath me because I love violence, I really do - but with a history like mine where I've hit people with bats, chairs, skillets, not to mention that one time I choked a guy out with a phone chord, I guess your garden variety bar altercation is just old hat to a veteran of violence like me. Even when your text-book racist spews his or her particular brand of hate, whether its Don Imus, Michael Richards, or that white person who thinks he's reaching out to me by saying "You're pretty cool for a black guy" - again I'm not shocked, I guess it has something to do with me having such a low opinion of my common man in general.(My own mother claims that my reaction to a cross being burned in my front yard would be, "What fucking took them so long??!!!")
Ann Coulter has never really shocked me either, even though she has routinely wiped her ass with political discourse in this country and has let some of the most vile syllables escape from that already malnourished mandible - I always felt that her sentiments accurately represented a segment of Americana that I didn't want to ever come in contact with unless I had a firearm handy, so I always took her on-air drivel as a crash course in right-wing fundamentalism. When Coulter said "I've never seen people enjoying their husbands' deaths so much" concerning the politically active "Jersey Girls", women who lost husbands on September 11th - I wasn't shocked, sure it was despicable, but it was just par for the course when it came to the nastiness around the 04' election.(Republicans wore little purple heart band-aids at the Republican National Convention to mock John Kerry's Vietnam service for Christs sake.) Shit, by the time she called John Edwards a "faggot", my belief was already cemented that she should be in a padded room somewhere - possibly making innovative shapes and designs with her own fecal matter. Everything from her saying that Timothy McVeigh should have blown up the New York Times Building, that we should invade all "terrorist countries", kill their leaders and convert the people to Christianity, did I mention that she already referring to Bill Clinton as a "homosexual"? One of the best pieces of advice that my mother gave me, besides "double-bagging" it if I'm ever with a hooker in Tijuana, is "if it walks and talks like a crazy bitch, chances are its usually a crazy bitch." Yoda-like wisdom that woman has, I tell ya.
But when I saw her rather subdued, minus the venom alongside Michael Eric Dyson a few months ago on an MSNBC segment entitled "Debating Race" - that's when I stood up in excitement, pointing like I had just noticed the invisible string aiding the street magician and said "David Blaine like a motherfucker!!" I know her being nuttier than squirrel shit helps her sell books, I'm well aware of her hustle - but if she only believes a small portion of the bullshit she spews, that kind of makes her even more of a pathetic figure than she already is.("pathetic figure", talk about double entendre!) Even Donnie Deutsh, the host of CNBC's "The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch" said recently that after he tried to get her fired up during a commercial break - that's when she decided to openly question Bill Clinton's sexuality. Whether she believes what she says or not is irrelevant, I don't care how many times she tells St. Peter "I was only kidding" at the pearly gates - I get the sneaking suspicion that he'll break the heavenly protocol and say "who gives a fuck?" and send her to a place where the climate is the same regardless of the season.
Ann Coulter the magician, pulling some truly incredible things out of her ass when it financially suits her - but there is a difference between what her and Criss Angel do though, there's at least some entertainment value in what Criss does. But then again, she made her credibility disappear a long time ago - Tadaa!!!
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Comments
1.
Debonair says:
Coulter needs to make a rap album because she the gangstest bitch out there. I mean rappers call each other faggot all the time but this bitch call seating senators and potential president faggots. 50 don't even do shit like that.
07/02/2007 at 8:54 PM
2.
Jazz One says:
First
I have to agree with you here. She normally gets my blood pressure up, but lately, it just makes me kind of sad.
06/29/2007 at 5:00 PM