You know what, Hip Hop needs a PR person
This may sound strange to some of you, but I've always believed that having your fair share of enemies creates balance in a persons life - there's something zen-like to me about hanging out with dear friends at a bar while keeping your head on a proverbial swivel for the ass-hat you happened to chin-check a week earlier at that same watering hole. Subtly being on the lookout for disgruntled husbands whose wives I've angrily sodomized, friends of the wheelchair-bound man that I rolled into traffic for disrespecting the god Rakim, not to mention the Lil Wayne fan that I choked out with a pool stick while reciting the words to O.C's "Times Up" to cure him of his sickness - having enemies keeps a brother sharp, and also reminds me that I'm a dick-head when everyone else is singing my praises as if we were in the middle of Sunday service. I tend to feel the exact same way when it comes to blogging as well, as much as I sincerely appreciate the love and support that people who read my foul mouthed diatribes have showed me - I'd be lying if I said that I didn't thoroughly enjoy the multitudes of bloggers that jack my concepts and pray on my downfall like I was their sworn enemy performing a blindfolded high-wire routine. The mere fact that I've ruffled a few feathers over at MTV based on a couple of pieces that I wrote about the blistering incompetents there who compile their "Best Of" Hip Hop lists, gives a guy with a toddler-size penis like myself an Ironclad "chubby" - being hated by a bunch of douche-bag "company men" has to be a sure-fire way of fast-tracking my Zulu Nation application.
That being said, I don't want this post to seem like I'm attacking Chuck Creekmur(AllHipHop.com) and Felicia Palmer(SOHH), they both seem like well meaning people who share the same passion for Hip Hop that I do. But watching this clip I realized, Hip Hop desperately needs a PR person. I don't know about you, but I'm getting sick and tired of seeing these FOX News clips where either the person representing Hip Hop embarrasses the piss out of themselves - or in this case, they let the interviewers who are obviously ignorant about Hip Hop get away with bloody murder via lame 80's era anti-Hip Hop arguments and easily debunk-able talking points. What we need is a campaign spokesman of sorts, an absolute poker-faced pit-bull who can effortlessly dismantle flimsy arguments regurgitated from mid-80's episodes of "Geraldo" - someone who will stay on message while making their opponent look like a watery sack of crap, a Hip Hop version of Howard Wolfson.
Listen, I'm an Obama guy, but Hillary Clinton's campaign spokesman(Wolfson) is a quiet assassin - this clip of him folding Bill O'Reilly up like origami should be the template that Hip Hop journalists use before appearing on any FOX News program. The following is a guide, a type of "Cliff notes" educational tool of sorts - for any Hip Hop journalist who finds themselves in the "House of Murdoch" while being played out of context rap lyrics.
Hold a Mirror up to them: The awesome thing about FOX is that most of their commentators have rap sheets as long as Ciara's forehead when it comes to blatant lying, fabrications, and all around detestable remarks that have escaped their right-wing mandibles. Creekmur and Palmer missed a golden opportunity here, especially with a bottom feeder like John Gibson blasting Nas with reckless abandon - a man who not only mocked Jon Stewart's heartfelt emotion on "The Daily Show" right after 9/11, belligerently blamed Hip Hop culture for the school shooting at Success Tech Academy High School in Cleveland before learning that the kid was white - not to mention his belief that Hillary Clinton is cryptically communicating with al qaeda. This guy is a scumbag, so it would serve you well to remind him of that fact ever so often(or whoever is assigned to interview you that day) - especially when they feel comfortable waxing poetic about a "destructive" rapper that they know nothing about.
Quiz them on the artist: Since I'm certain that FOX News will have a plethora of segments like this in the near future, primarily discussing the title of Nas' upcoming album entitled "Nigger" - I'd bet you dollars to donuts, like the clip above, that we will see analyst after analyst over at FOX acting as if they are well versed on the career of Nasir Jones solely based on a clip where some questionable lyrics are sloppily played without the proper context. This is your opportunity to quickly quiz them on random Nas facts, real softball questions that even the most casual Hip Hop observer would know like "Who was the song "Ether" for?" and "What was the title of Nas' first album?" When they blankly gaze at you like you just asked them square root of something, simply say "Great reporting Encyclopedia Brown, but then again you guys did get the Iraq thing wrong as well.."
Quote Johnny Cash lyrics out of context: The most irritating thing outside of wearing a suede condom, is when a person very robotic-ally reads rap lyrics to punctuate their point - a tired ritual that I think started when Moses himself, I mean Charlton Heston, read off the lyrics to Body Count's(Ice T) "KKK Bitch" at a Time-Warner stockholders meeting more than a decade and a half ago. We all know that there are Hip Hop lyrics out there that are truly indefensible - but if you are ever on one of these shows and an artist like Nas is who they decide to pull random song quotes from, counter with some Johnny Cash quotes while sarcastically acting outraged. *Looking Down a a fictitious piece of paper* "From Johnny Cash's "Folsom Prison Blues", it says here "But I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die/When I hear that whistle blowin', I hang my head and cry". What kind of lyrics are those?!! In the song "A Boy Named Sue", he talks about hunting down his estranged father just for naming him after a girl - that's just heinous and cold-blooded, what kind of example is he setting for america's youth?
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Comments
1.
Dee El says:
Word H.C. I can't believe that the people they bring on Fox to defend hip hop, can't even put Nas' lyrics into context for these people. Chuck "Ahh..Ahh..Weve had leaders...and these are elected officials...ahh that have done good and bad...and ahhh...I would say..ahhh I would say again...." Get the fuck out of here!! Are you kidding me? and then Ole Girl:"Dang..yall would pick the worst ones ahhh..." I'm sitting here sick. You could pull me off the street at 6:00am on my way to work and I could have easily shot holes in their false indignation without preparing...and I'm sure they had time to prepare. Wow..they people that defend hip hop...but I've seen chuch do this before.
Dee El Sends
P.E.A.C.E.
10/24/2007 at 5:05 AM
2.
Shane Morris says:
There's so much to go over here - but it comes down to this: I have no idea how old white people on Fox News can have any bearing on the use of the N-word, when they were the ones using it just 40 years ago.
Enough said.
10/23/2007 at 11:49 PM