Black Hillary Clinton surrogates remind me of the KRS-One song "Black Cop"
KRS-One: "Black Cop"
Unfortunately, as a guy who has had his fair share of physical altercations in my day, whether its smashing beer bottles over the heads of disgruntled bar patrons like it was an Olympic sport, or rolling a wheelchair bound man into rush hour traffic simply because he refused to acknowledge that Rakim was the greatest rapper ever - lets just say that I'm on a first name basis with some of Virginia Beach's finest. The one thing I've noticed, when I'm not being aggressively frisked, thrown against a police car, or being asked whether or not I threatened the life a person I assaulted based on their new found silence and refusal to press charges - is that the last two kinds of people you want pulling you over is a female police officer or a black police officer. Don't get it twisted, your average run-of-the-mill white male officer, trying to recapture the three years in High School when people actually valued his opinion, wouldn't think twice about publicly sodomizing you with his billy club if you as so much reach for your wallet too quick for his liking. But the few times I've been pulled over by female police officers, it wasn't exactly the most pleasant of experiences, I always got the sense that they were working out the affects of male chauvinism, unequal pay, or the misogyny that they've experienced throughout their lifetimes on the respective choke-hold that they securely placed on me - granted, I'm sure that me calling them "sugar-tits" and mistaking an innocent traffic stop as some sort of remote stripper-gram didn't particularly endear me to them either. Black police officers, especially if they were riding with a white counterpart, more times than not they felt the need to go beyond the call of duty and prove to their partner that they weren't showing favoritism to another person who's ancestors also came over on mandatory cruise ships by putting me on the business end of very disagreeable day. Sometimes I view some of Hillary Clinton's black surrogates the exact same way.
The same way I'd expect any self respecting black police officer to do his job and give me a ticket for speeding, drinking and driving, or having questionable sex with a stripper named "Merry-Go-Round" in the backseat of my muscle car without putting the hazard lights on - I'd also expect Hillary Clinton's black surrogates to make the strongest argument possible for the candidate they feel would be the best choice for President of the United States. But like that occasionally misguided black cop who regrettably goes that extra rhetorical mile, egging me on with empty threats so I'll react and get two or three warning shots in the ass for my troubles - a handful of Hillary Clinton's black surrogates have gone that proverbial extra mile as well, peppering us with cringe-worthy statements that automatically make Hip Hop fans think of the Krs-One song "Black Cop". Here are a few examples.
Stephanie Tubbs Jones: On February 26th, being interviewed by Pat Buchanan(..a man that I have characterized as the Statler and Waldorf of political punditry) on "Morning Joe" about the picture circulated where Obama was wearing traditional Somalia garb - Stephanie Tubbs Jones had this to say: "I have no shame, or no problem with people looking at Barack Obama in his native clothing, the clothing of his country.."
My Take: Sometimes mistakes happen, I misspeak all the time when I tell women mid-coitus "You won't walk right for a week!" - but since illiterate Ukrainian teens even know the intricacies of Obama's life story and his background by now, there is something rather sinister about her "native clothing" quip But then again, I do consider her to be the Sammy Davis Jr. of black Hillary surrogates, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised..
Andrew Young: Quotes:"I want Barack Obama to be president.. in 2016", "He's smart. he's brilliant, but you cannot be president alone. Hillary Clinton first of all has Bill behind her, and Bill is every bit as black as barack - he's probably gone out with more black women than Obama."
My Take: Even though most of these civil rights guys have changed their collective tunes as of late, it still amazes me that those words even escaped his lips - what were all the fire-hoses and ass-whippings for if later in life your nothing but a scared ass negro?
Bob Johnson: Quote: "To me, as an African American, I am frankly insulted the Obama campaign would imply that we are so stupid that we would think Hillary and Bill Clinton, who have been deeply and emotionally involved in black issues when Barack Obama was doing something in the neighborhood; I won't say what he was doing, but he said it in his book when they have been involved"
My Take: This coming from the guy that gave Cita, that awful Keisha Cole reality show, and "Uncut" - ok, quiet as kept, I made it my business to stay up late to watch "Uncut" and be utterly disgusted while sporting wood like everyone else. Even though Johnson later apologized for the remark, its pretty disingenuous considering that just last month he co-signed Geraldine Ferraro's "he wouldn't be here if he wasn't black" sentiments - its just like Chuck D said, "Every brother ain't a brother cause of color". But then again, throwing another black man under the bus shouldn't shock us since his network happens to be one of the leading causes of death amongst black folks.(Right there behind hypertension and suicide inducing Tyler Perry movies)
Rep. Emanuel Cleaver, II (D-MO) : Quote: "He is articulate - in the black tradition, he would probably be mediocre, but in White America..." - "For White Americans, it's like, this guy can speak," - (If he switched to Obama) "There would be African-Americans cheering, but I would have difficulty shaving in the morning, unless I could shave without looking in the mirror."
My Take: These set of quotes best exemplifies the whole "Black Cop" analogy, whats up with all the "extra" slick talk - just support your respective candidate, highlight what you think are her positive attributes, then keep it the fuck moving. Jesus. Not being able to look himself in the mirror if he voted for Obama says less about Obama, and more about what kind of self-hating black person he is.
Michael Nutter: (On Reverend Wright) "I think there's no room for hate, and I could not sit and tolerate that kind of language, and especially over a very long period of time." and " "If I were in my own church and heard my pastor saying some of those kinds of things," we'd have a conversation about what's going on here, what is this all about, and then I would have to make my own personal decision about whether or not to be associated or affiliated."
My Take: Bullshit Mike. Ever since Reverend Wright re-emerged this past week, the one point that I've been making to people is that even though most of what the good Reverend said is standard in many black conversations - in an era where Obama is getting hit with being associated with a guy who did bad things when the senator was 8 years old, those same things won't fly when you are running for president. Many people revere Minister Farrakhan, but if you are running for President you can't be within a square mile of the man. Black folks have conspiracy theories about the government as long as Manute Bol's arm, Dave Chappelle once said "What is a black man without his paranoia?" - but a black man running for president, being seen to even remotely hold some of those same theories would sink your candidacy.(For the record, this commentary isn't meant to suggest that Sen Obama's sentiments concerning Rev Wrights remarks are disingenuous) Thats what makes Mr. Nutter's commentary so lame, he knows better - but like most of Hillary Clinton's black supporters, there's nothing like putting your dignity on the back burner when supporting your respective candidate.
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