August 2008 Archives
A Quick Take on Hillary's Convention Speech
As much as I wanted this Democratic Convention to be all about Barack Obama, there were early indicators that every underlying storyline this week would be about one of the most famous pant-suit wearers ever - Hillary Clinton. If the American public wasn't getting bombarded with stories about disgruntled Hillary Clinton Supporters who crossed their fingers every time they claimed that voting for a man who they fundamentally disagree with on every level wasn't racism, the constant accounts of feuding between the Clinton and Obama camps on some West Side Story shit, Bill Clinton not wanting his speech to be about national security, the constant soap opera surrounding Hillary's roll call vote. Truly depressing if I say so myself, but then again there are worse things in life - I could have been forced to cover the proverbial wackness that was the Ozone Awards. Seriously, if there is one thing that has momentarily tempted me to squat and take a healthy shit on top of history, gleefully usher in another republican clusterfuck of an administration, and join my revolutionary(real and fake) brothers and sisters and support Cynthia McKinney - is watching all the crap Obama has had to take from Team Clinton since he won the nomination. It seems that every story since then has been about Hillary's feelings, Bill's feelings, why Obama hasn't done more to reach out to the Clintons. Only a black man, while running for the highest office in the land mind you, is supposed to go out of his way to console a group of people who spent the better part of a year calling him an empty suit, saying that John McCain would be a better president, and subtly suggesting that he was some sort of crypto-Muslim. Suffice it to say, I was skeptical of the speech she was about to give at the Democratic Convention.
On the Speech: Many years ago I was intimately involved in throwing a basketball game for money, not exactly my finest hour I know. Anyway, because I knew that I could get in serious trouble for being involved in such an unsavory scheme, and because I was such a horrible actor, I decided to play my naturally black ass off while quietly hoping that we lost by the desired amount. Hillary Clinton's speech last night brought that incident to mind. She's not stupid, she knew that her political career as a whole, and her presidential aspirations specifically - hinged on her Convention speech being both convincing and a shot across the bow of John McCain. Even though I feel that her motives are somewhat suspect, she said all the right things - in a fashion that I'm confident will sway many of the fence-sitters who don't get aroused while watching "Mississippi Burning". Sure, it would have been nice if she added some personal touches to the oratorical rhetoric, something like: "I ran against Obama and got a chance to see him up close - and let me tell you America, he will make one hell of a president!". That being said, she did a decent job, but it won't mean shit if she doesn't campaign her ass off for Obama from now until November. Who knows, my effort in that basketball game actually won us the game, she might accidentally win this election for Obama as well.(Lets just hope that she doesn't have to lay low for 6 months like I had to)
*I'll be live-blogging Wednesday's night events*
Barack Obama picks Joe Biden
When it comes down to it, this was the best possible choice Obama could have made. As much as I support my Governor Tim Kaine(VA), he would have only highlighted Barack Obama's inexperience with his own. Everyone knew that he'd never pick Hillary, besides, not only would she have energized the republican base if Obama picked her, John McCain's opposition research team would have had a field day sifting through all of Bill Clinton's questionable business dealing post presidency.(Not to mention some rather suspect donors to the Clinton Library to boot.) I don't have anything against Kathleen Sebelius(KS), she would have been a great Vice President, but I get the sinking feeling that Mrs. Clinton's supporters would have rioted in the streets and burned effigy's of Obama if he chose any woman not named "Hillary". With Joe Biden you have a Vice President with Foreign Policy credentials beyond reproach, a champion of women's issues, and despite his penchant for bloviation and the occasional careless gaffe - the man is a fucking pit-bull, today's speech just proves that he isn't scared to take the fight directly to John McCain's doorstep. Obama's choice also complicates things for the republicans, especially if they planned to go with Mitt Romney for their Vice Presidential candidate. With McCain not remembering how many houses he has and Romney's $200 Million dollar fortune, its pretty easy for a kid from Hawaii who was raised on food stamps and one of our poorest Senators to capture economic populism by the throat.
Here are a few noteworthy clips of Joe Biden:
Slamming Rudy Guiliani:
Defending his civil rights record after being asked about some questionable
statements that he made, Obama then defends him:
Living with Hip Hop OCD
Last week, while I was attending the funeral of my friend's father(estranged), despite all the teeth gnashing niceties and the oratorical jujitsu displayed by everyone who got up to speak, there was a common theme to all of their remarks that overcast day - that the man laying in the pine box just a few feet away was an insufferable prick. As I uncomfortably sat in my monkey suit, witnessing his children try to spin his outright abandonment into him having tunnelvision career-wise, and the first wife of the dearly departed tearfully crafting his years of heart-wrenching adultery into the fact that he'd always had the "soul of a 25 year old" - I suddenly started to wonder, what would be the common theme unifying the speakers at my funeral? Listen, I've embraced my inner asshole a long time ago, so much in fact that my loved ones have long referred to me by that special orifice my girlfriend now tells me is only reserved for our wedding night. Joking about something so obvious at my funeral or wake isn't exactly comedic gold. But if forced to guess, I'm pretty sure that my impatience would be a common point of reference as I sport a fashionable black suit that unfortunately highlights my new pasty complexion. I'm not sure who will say what, but I can envision some random ex-girlfriend finding a tasteful way of describing my nonexistent foreplay, and my habit of whispering "Shhh, you just ruin it by speaking.." every time she mistakenly took it upon herself to inject sexy pillow talk into the equation. Maybe my friend Danny will tell the story about how I almost got pummeled Rodney King style by one of Virginia Beach's finest for simply giving him the universal "hurry up" signal while saying "Wrap it up Serpico, I have places to go!" as he attempted to lecture me on the dangers of speeding. My penchant for begrudgingly rewarding old ladies with free groceries every time I see one of them very casually pour a million and one fucking pennies in front of an underpaid cashier, and the time a bank manager angrily read me the riot act after I tried to fake a disability(walking cane and all) just so I could cash my check ahead of everyone else - all displays of my impatience that will momentarily lift the spirits of all the mourners within earshot.
But unfortunately, one unknown fact about me that the black wearing sea of mourners will fail to learn on that fateful day, is that I have historically shown an infinite amount of patience in one area in particular - when dealing with people who have speech impediments and other garden variety disorders. As a kid I had a crippling stutter, so I know how it feels to see people get physically frustrated while you struggle with words, sometimes those same people attempting to finish your sentences as if they were doing you some great service. So I take it upon myself to do my best to be the epitome of patience whenever I encounter some adult who has the same oratory affliction that I had as a child. Listen, I know that this will in no way excuses my petulant displays of impatience, like last week when I violently shook my letter carrier's mail-truck because he decided to take a lunch break while my mailbox remained empty. But for the last 20 years, whenever I've encountered someone with a speech impediment or some sort of god given hindrance, I suddenly go from being an impatient malcontent to a considerate and thoughtful nurturer. Its pretty disgusting I know, but at least I have a highlight reel to show St Peter as I passionately plead my case for an admittance into heaven.
I bring all of this up because recently a real good friend of mine who has OCD(Obsessive-compulsive disorder), Mark, wanted to know why I had stuck by him all these years when so many others have abandoned him as soon as his quirks simply became too much to bear. Part of it is the patience born out of being a stutterer as a kid, I hardly raise an eyebrow now whenever Mark has to touch the ball a certain amount of times before we can even begin a pickup basketball game, I've never been irritated when it takes him a half hour to leave the house because every time he touches his doorknob something just doesn't feel quite right to him. But the main reason why our friendship has withstood the test of time is primarily because we are kindred spirits of sorts. See, I have what you call "Hip Hop OCD". Let me explain:
* For as long as I can remember, if I'm browsing through some mega-store and wander into the home stereo system section and some mindless, monosyllabic knuckle-dragging form of Hip Hop is playing - I immediately take it upon myself to change the channel immediately. Sometimes shoving the person out of the way who just turned on that vapid dreck in the process.
*One of the main reasons why people stopped inviting me to their weddings, outside of the fact that I once convinced a bride's blind cousin to get me "hand love" in the woods behind the respective reception hall - is my ongoing habit of threatening the lives of reception DJ's who insist on playing music that simply isn't up to my particular standards. I know that its not my special day and all, but if you think its alright to play records that involve the listener participating in some sort of convoluted dance - you deserve to get your fucking ass kicked.
*Despite being an asshole, and having a case of germaphobia so strong that I won't make love to a woman without riot gear being involved, one of the main reasons why I'm single is because I always find it increasingly difficult to consummate a relationship with a woman who happens to have horrific tastes in music. I just can't seem to just keep my mouth shut and receive the booty spoils, instead I either answer with "..sorry, but that T-Pain CD was a deal breaker!" when a woman calls to inquire about why I've stopped calling her. Or my disgust starts to become my mid-coital chatter: "Yeah baby, that's it right there. Damn, I'd be enjoying this so much more if you didn't carelessly quote Young Jeezy earlier!"
*It seems mean, and I always reimburse the person afterwards, but if some misguided passenger of mine decides to slip some bullshit into my car CD player, I'm throwing that shit out of my window for distance as if it was an Olympic event. You think I'm bullshitting, my father saw his "Who let the Dogs out?" CD thrown with the same aggression Ninja's exhibit while targeting an opponent with throwing stars - and my old man was dying of cancer mind you.
*I detest game playing in relationships, that being said, there is one thing I have to do in order to see whether the woman is a "keeper" or not. If she allows me to play Public Enemy's "Shut em down"(Pete Rock Remix") at least once while we make love, there might be a future for us.
*Since 1989, whenever I hear any cut from Biz Markie's "Goin' Off" album, I find myself doing "the whop" until some concerned citizen bravely decides to stop me
*I don't know about anybody else, but the radio stations in my area are corporate owned soul-crushers, especially if you are a fan of Hip Hop that doesn't aggressively take away I.Q points from you. That being said, on the same token as "even a clock is right two times a day", when I pop on my car radio and they just happen to be playing something decent while I'm parking somewhere - even if I'm in a rush, I feel compelled to sit there until the song is done.
Falling for the Okey-Doke at Saddleback is a lesson for Obama
Whenever I find myself daydreaming about the prospect of procreating, as if there is actually a woman in existence with a constitution strong enough to receive my demon-seed, I rarely think about how raising a child nowadays is such a herculean task. Even though I'm so selfish I've resorted to building a "glory hole" in my house for sexual encounters, I welcome any free time being eliminated from my already busy social calender - I mean, cutting down on reckless binge drinking and my penchant for penetrating strange women in the backseat of my muscle car will at least add a few days to my life. I'm not even worried about how I will pay for my child's college education, mostly because I'm a firm believer that things will naturally work themselves out. But if I do find myself seriously strapped for cash around the same time that my crumb snatcher reaches his/her senior year of High School, I'll gladly be willing to offer up my body for cash to lonely widows and other low self-esteem having women who haven't seen an erect penis since the final episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond" aired. The only thing that worries me about the prospect of raising a child, is whether or not I possess the god-given ability to effectively tell well intentioned lies for the good of my child. I mean, will the memories of me smoking joints with my junior high buddies and dropping acid that had me tripping for two straight days straight haunt my every thought as I tell my child to stay clear of street grade pharmaceuticals? I can bullshit with the best of them, but belting out passionate safe sex pleas to my offspring just seems to be wrong in a karma sense - especially considering instances where I washed my personal business in some strange woman's sink, or the time I had unsafe relations with a stripper whose vagina resembled a catchers mitt. But being that I've historically opted to land a well placed chop to the throat over garden variety diplomacy, my toughest task of all is going to be trying to sell my son or daughter on the concept of civil disobedience. Even though I want them to be able to defend themselves, its going to be difficult for me to navigate the turbulent waters of what is standard self defense and what's just gratuitous violence. Throat-chopping? Sure. Rendering someone unconscious via choke-holds? Case-by-case basis. The "smash a bottle over some bastards head just because he doesn't like rakim" technique? Not so much. Effective knee strikes? Most definitely. Turning innocent household items into lethal weapons? Shit no.
But the one lesson that I will have no trouble relaying to my child, knowing that someday they he or she will encounter a person who doesn't know what civil disobedience is and acts as if turning the other cheek is just an invitation to be hit on the other one - is to never fight in someone else's backyard. Take it from someone who knows, besides having to defend myself against easily attainable kitchen cutlery and spatula-wielding mothers who aren't trying to see their baby boy catch one hell of an ass-whipping, you have to deal someones homeboys whose main agenda is making sure that the ridges on the bottom of their Timberland boot are permanently tattooed on the back of your ass. Apparently, Barack Obama was never exposed to this utterly important piece of sage-like advice.
Last week, when I first found out that Barack Obama would be appearing with John McCain at Pastor Rick Warren's "Faith Forum" at Saddleback Church, I immediately thought that this would be a home-run for Obama. Outside of the fact that Obama and Warren were friendly,(the possibly of him being pelted with asinine Reverend Wright questions being slim to none) and unlike Democrats of years past, Obama just seems comfortable talking about faith and often incorporates bible scriptures in his stump speech. On the other hand, McCain seems as comfortable talking about his faith as Pat Buchanan would sound hosting a "Rock the Bells" concert - this very contrast is the main reason why I thought that Obama could win over some of those evangelical fence-sitters whose world view and political ideology isn't completely grounded in Roe v Wade. Anyway, they flipped a coin and Obama went first, Rick Warren swearing that John McCain was in a "cone of silence" so he couldn't hear the exact same questions that he was asking Barack Obama.(It turns out that McCain wasn't in a "cone of silence") Initially I thought that Obama was doing quite well, answering questions about what his greatest moral failure was and if he thought evil existed with a thoughtfulness that I figured America would want in a president. I didn't particularly mind it when Warren would occasionally give Obama the "hurry up" signal, echoing his earlier sentiment that he didn't want either candidate to start reciting their respective stump speeches. Then it was John McCain's turn.
Not only didn't McCain answer any of the questions specifically, he turned each question into an opportunity to both go on bluster-filled foreign policy rants that mirrored his stump speeches but he also recited heartfelt POW stories that didn't have a fucking thing to do with the question being asked. A tactic that the evangelical crowd in attendance absolutely at up. Obviously Mr. Warren didn't take it upon himself to give the Senior Senator from Arizona that same "wrap it up" signal that he gave to Barack. Obama was set up, caught slipping because he decided to challenge someone to a fight in their own backyard - and because I was wrong in my initial assessment, I'm still sporting some Timberland ridge on the back of my ass as well.
Now, while I do think that Obama's performance at Saddleback eased the concerns of many good natured americans who quietly wondered whether that email that they once received depicting him as a crypto-Muslim who wants to snack on white babies was true or not - that night also taught Obama an invaluable lesson. He can't out-Vietnam John McCain, if he wants to tell touching tales about his POW experience, he needs to tell his own story because that's what people are attracted to. How seeing his dear mother wither away from the effects of Ovarian cancer is what inspires him to see that every American receives the proper health care that they deserve. How the pain of not growing up with a father pushes him every day to make sure that single mothers have the tools they need to raise their children. Shit like that. I think he also realized that he can't get suckered into trying to disprove the "empty suit" narrative being pushed by the McCain camp, soaring rhetoric and impeccable oratory works and his republican rival is deathly afraid of that - in the age of the soundbite and the low information voter, be less Nas and more Jay-Z. Dumb it down, leave the specifics to Townhalls and proper debates.
BARACKY II
From the same people who brought you the "Baracky" movie..
2 Hip Hop Snobs Tackle.... "Posse Cuts"(Day 4)
Check out the first three installments:
"Dirty South" featuring Cool Breeze and Big Boi
DanTres: It's dope to find folks repping for their regions. This track put the south on the map. Ever since then, the south has been known as the Dirty South. As usual, any track with Outkast and Goodie M.O.B. Always presented quality. This one definitely opened doors and does get the floor jumping when you play it down south. A lot of folks have balked when I brought this track up during "a best of..." debate. I think it's influence has been highly underrated.
HumanityCritic: Ok, you got me, I was indeed one of the aforementioned "balkers", this track is dope but it was never was one of my personal favorites. That being said, there is always a point when an artist(or a group of artists in this case) rip off the proverbial scab and gives their listeners an unadulterated look at the geographic area that they call home, a sobering reality of sorts. The same way MC's out of "The Golden State" have been forcefully making the case for years that there is more to California than just "swimming pools and movie stars", this collaboration proved that there is more to the South than just down home cooking and the shameful history of Jim Crow.
DanTres: When Outkast first came up, I was always checking Dre. On Dirty South however, I peeped that Big Boi was nice. Ever since then, I felt he was the better of the two. He is very underrated. One of the few cats out there who can change the sounding of certain syllables to rhyme and get away with it (I think Black Thought is the only other cat that can do it properly). What I dig about this posse cut is that they could have put everybody on that and it might not have come out the same. It was nice and short. Straight to the point. The south is dirty, don't get it twisted.
HumanityCritic: Word, Big Boi is both dope and underrated. Speaking of Big Boi, excuse me for getting off topic here, but I'm glad that him and Killer Mike finally decided to squash their beef. I'll take Big Boi over Killer Mike lyrically any day, but after witnessing the back and forth between the two men, I just felt that his new "tough guy" stance was laughably unbelievable. He's better than that. But then again who am I to talk, I once sucker punched a preacher for telling his all black congregation to vote for Bush in 2004 and put the father of a girl I was dating in an inappropriate sleeper hold.
"Headbanger": EPMD, Redman, and K Solo
DanTres: Although the Hit Squad wasn't the first group of artists to put it down, they came off hard. I remember I was out to sea when this joint came on. This cat fresh out of boot camp came on board and during one of our sessions, he brought the single. After it was over, we were like "whaaaaaattttttttttt.....!" We must have played it over twenty times. Looking back though, it was a gay moment, since here were like 40 heads in wife beaters jumping around doing the East Coast stomp in an enclosed space.
HumanityCritic: Like any Hip Hop enthusiast, I'm fully aware of the pitfalls surrounding some overzealous person accidentally reinforcing negative stereotypes about the genre within the proverbial earshot of critical malcontents. That being said, this posse cut makes me want to punch a motherfucker in the face, and that's a good thing. Like so many other posse cuts where there is at least one squeaky wheel, a proverbial weak link of sorts - everyone here holds their weight like human drug mules. This is one of my favorite posse cuts of all time, the gold standard which all other collaborative efforts over a dope beat should be judged.
DanTres: The sad part is that shortly after this track, the collective got into a beef and everything fell apart. The only cat really holding it down on any level is Redman. Everyone else just hasn't been the same. Still, I find this track to be a watershed in that moment when hip hop music was about Carharts, timbs, and hoodies. No glamor, no glitz, no wack white shades, bottles of Mo', or "swagger." Heads just got on a dope track and wrote dope rhymes.
HumanityCritic: This song has also provided me with countless hours of laughter due to my utterly warped sense of humor. I can't tell you how many times I've forcefully yanked the back of some stranger's sweatshirt and yelled "Yo Where's my Hoodie!!??", simply screamed the word "Negroes!" whenever I found myself at a concert where two black males were fighting, been in a club and expressed my displeasure at a young lady's meddling friend by very politely asking her to "tow truck her weak sideshow" - and about a million other inside jokes that I've been gleefully regurgitating since this song came out. But seriously, how fucking great is Redman's verse in this song? it perfectly captures my belief that Redman's style is rather "Seinfeldian", an utterly brilliant display of lyricism that isn't about anything in particular. Straight dope.
Here is another example of Redman's "Seinfeldian" brilliance:
Redman: "Tonight's da Night"(Remix)
