I Got that Good Good
It's been a long time I shouldn't left you. Yes, yes I went to Miami for a while (shout to Jessyka Phorbes), but now I'm back and ready to blog! Why not start my re-launch with the 2008 BET Awards that aired June 24th. Some say it was a televised mess, others the say it was the best. I believe it was somewhere in the middle, and I felt that BET missed some awards and honorees. Therefore please allow me to present to you the INVITE ONLY/BET AWARDS, and the winner is...
WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE AWARD
THE AMERICAN DREAM. Did Dream really not show up for his "Best New Artist" award? Helloooo, it is best NEW artist, and Dream isn't on the same level as Jay-Z, or Mary yet to just not show up for an award show. This is a major award for him, and unless he had a reasonable excuse, like uncontrollable diarrhea, he should have been there--period.
SWV. Yes, Al Green performed and brought the house down, but I have to give it to my Sisters With Voices, "Weak in the Knees" touched me. Even though they all looked like there were going to bust out there black outfits with their I'm-somebody's-grandma-bodies, they rocked the house. FYI: All black does not always give the appearance of slim.
LOPSIDED WIG AWARD
ALICIA KEYS. Hands down. The wig she wore during her performance with the throwback female groups was strange. At one point the wig had twisted to the left, and I thought she was going to lose it completely when she started to bounce to TLC's "Waterfall."
TOO TIGHT IT CAN'T BE RIGHT AWARD
JENNIFER HUDSON AND ANTHONY HAMILTON. Jennifer's presentation was cute, and so was her hair. But she was stuffed in that dress so tight her breast's touched her chin. Mr. Hamilton recently must have traveled East, because those pants were definitely European cut. Very disturbing seeing his imprint wrapped in a foil like cloth.
RANDOM CELEBRITY AWARD
BABES from Making the Band. It was quick and fast, you may not of caught her. But for one second, sitting two rows behind Wayne she was there. Immediately I needed answers: How did she get an invite? Where is all her teeth? How did she get an invite?
UNKNOWN GIRLFRIEND AWARD
NE-YO's ARM CANDY. Who was she? More importantly, why did the camera stay on her? Maybe Ne-Yo payed off a camera guy so we could stop questioning his sexual orientation.
GHETTO ACCEPTANCE SPEECH AWARD
UGK. Rest in peace Pimp C, no doubt. However, your friends and family got on that BET stage and looked a bit, um, foolish. Bun B, Big Boi, Pimp C's wife, and random dude Brian Barber, are all trying to give 30 minute speeches each, in only 30 seconds. Even after the music stops playing, random dude Brian, gets back on the mic and says "I want to thank Kayne." Judging by his face, I don't even think Kanye knew who he was.
BEST PRESENTATION AWARD
NICEY NASH. Her whole comedic comparison on white and black people interracially adopting children was very amusing. I knew she was destined for greatness as soon as she walked on stage without the signature crusty flower in her hair.
PUT YOU TO SLEEP AWARD
RIHANNA. Her "Take A Bow" performance was sooooo dull. If she didn't hypnotize everyone with her beauty the audience would of went to sleep. People were yawning and stretching to make it through the time she was on stage. The performance was so dry I felt the need to get a drink when it was over. (Cheese)
FLYEST WHITE GIRL AWARD
FERGI AND LIL KIM. Fegri got on stage with Nelly and killed her verse in the song. She twisted, turned, and gave attitude showing she has a whole lotta "flava" (Wassup Nicole). Then you have Lil Kim who clearly now is an asian/white girl. She served us her performance with Keyshia Cole, swinging that blond weave all over the stage.
DEEPEST MOMENT AWARD
QUINCY JONES. I will not say one bad thing about this man he is the founder of VIBE, and I want to keep my job. He wins this award because he truly is a great man, and he used every African proverb he could in his speech.
BLOOPER OF THE NIGHT AWARD
D.L. HUGLEY. I don't understand BET's selection in choosing a host. Some years they are completely on point, and then the next year they choose--D.L. Hugley. This man really introduced a highly recognized and respected gospel artist, Marvin Sapp as the NFL football player Warren Sapp. I know their stomachs are the same size, but come on Hugley.
WHAT DID YOU SAY AWARD
ASHANTI. (cackles) "I got the good good." What the H-E-double hockey stick is "good good?" She had already presented and, and here she comes on stage hiking up her dress again to say nonsense. I can't.
Smaller Awards of the Night
CONCIETED AWARD -KANYE WEST. "I'm a king in the game, my opinion matters." Someone smack him.
JUST A PRETTY FACE AWARD -CASSIE. "I can't even talk." Please don't.
HAD IT TOGETHER AWARD - GABRIELLE UNION. Simply beautiful.
MULTIPLE IDENTITY AWARD - T-PAIN. He was circus ringleader, rap creator, and T- WAYNE all in one night.
BIGGEST PIMPLE AWARD - CHRIS BROWN. Please catch his left cheek during his performance on the re-runs.
SEXY MUTHER AWARD
- MAXWELL. We missed you!BIGGEST ENTOURAGE AWARD - LIL WAYNE. He brought every resident of New Orleans and Miami on stage with him.
LESSON: Alicia Keys said during the awards, stop using the words "I can't". Only thing that hold you back from getting yours is YOU.
BIG UPS: Crystal Fairweather (Blogger), Jessyka Phorbes (Phorbes PR), Big Teach (Polo Grounds Music), Rex Polkinghorne (Handprint Ent), Sarah Garrison (D.Dash)
Tags: Alicia Keys, BET Awards, Blonde, Chris Brown, Fergi, Lil Wayne, Maxwell, Ne-Yo, Nicey Nash, Pimp C, Pimple, Quincy Jones, Rihanna, SWV, T-Pain, UGK
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Comments
1.
kellysingle0 says:
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07/13/2008 at 11:44 AM
2.
Jayda310 says:
DL calling him Warren Sapp was so funny!
Al Green tribute was dope! I loved seeing everyone singing and dancing along in the audience.
Chris Brown with Ciara was really cool. The waterfall in the back spelling out names was nothing I'd ever seen before
07/01/2008 at 11:30 PM
3.
HottRodd says:
You were on point!! I did miss the pimple on CB although he always has some degree of Acne so that's probably why.I too would like to know what "good-good" is.I thought about it and I assumed that she meant her Vajay-jay! Speaking of which why on God's green earth would you want to wear a dress you have to hike up, to walk in?! Oh and I know who Brian Barber is,he's a video director.You probably don't/didn't notice him because he cut off that annoying mohawk he had been rockin' for a year or so! However I too enjoyed The Academy of BET Awards! LOL
06/28/2008 at 10:56 PM
4.
Jazzybelle says:
You must of really been watching hard because I definitely missed some of the things you pointed out. But I completely missed the Nelly/Fergie performance though would of liked to see how she really could handle that verse on stage. Ne-yo, Young Jeezy, and the Al Green tribute at the end I think were the best performances, while if Chris Brown was going to do "Take You Down" he should of done the whole entire song not just grinded all over the stage to a minute of the chorus.
Anyway, DL was funny, but can NOT believe he called Marvin Sapp, Warren Sapp...he must of not known who dude was at all. Good run down of the awards though.
06/27/2008 at 7:50 PM