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Kill Your Idols: Dedication Week - The Girls

Posted 03/01/2007 at 8:46 PM  |  2 comment/s

Strength. Power. Looks. American Idols is always about these things (Clay and Taylor notwithstanding) and the girls took a step back last night. Did Melinda roll out on Lakisha after last week? Read on...

A WHOLE NEW WORLD
Sean Fennessey: Am I crazy or did Melinda Doolittle turn into Barbara Streisand before our very eyes?
Jon Caramanica: You're crazy. It's Anita Baker.
JC: She should just sign to Blue Note and get it over with.
SF: That's such a bore. And her styling team was white as a Norwegian skiing team.
JC: Today the book tells me: "find flyer friends."
JC: That said, she really did body that song, but on some Kennedy Center Awards Gala shit.
SF: A snore. I couldn't understand the judges' overreaction.
JC: Dialidol.com disagrees with you, as do I.
JC: Let me guess -- you're riding for Leslie.
JC: skeebeedeebopdoobeedooshoobeedoodolladeebop
SF: Wow. She needs to stop making music. Period.
SF: Nothing pithy. She needs to go away.
SF: To know that Marisa Rhodes has to sit there and watch Leslie every week must kill her.
JC: Dear Leslie,
JC: I be Nina Simone.
JC: AND I'VE BEEN DEFECATING ON YOUR MICROPHONE.
JC: (which means I would like you to stop using it. please.)
JC: She also made use of the term "when I gig."
JC: Never say that again.
JC: Finally, a fashion note on Leslie.
JC: From her belt to her shoes, there were FIVE different looks.
JC: Too many.
JC: No sorbet.

ANDREW MCCARTHY'S MEAT RACK
SF: Haha. OK, let's forget about Leslie (America did), how did you feel about Haley Scarnato?
JC: Where does she get styled -- on the set of "Mannequin"?
JC: CRIMPING?!?!?!?!?!?!!?
SF: She was "hepping" it up for Simon. She did her best. It's like when a middle-aged woman gets divorced after years of marriage and looks for ways to be young again. But her youth was 20 years ago.
JC: Thanks Dr. Phil.
JC: When I heard she was singing Whitney, I figured she was picking an early ballad.
JC: Which would have been right.
JC: But she picked possibly my least favorite Whitney uptempo song.
JC: No "It's Not Right, But It's OK"?
JC: And than Sabrina comes along and steals that thunder like whoa.
SF: Well, Sabrina can sing.
JC: Missed a bunch of notes in the middle, but she hit 70% of it.
JC: She shoulda had Antonella sing the last note, though.
JC: Antonella is good at the big notes, and seems to miss most of the ret
Rest.
SF: I dunno, Antonella hits that falsetto, but she sings it from her uvula, not her diaphragm.
SF: Parse that votefortheworst.com!
JC: She's about to beat Lakisha!
SF: The world is dark and unjust.

FIGHTING THE LAW
JC: What's unjust is Stephanie Edwards being in the bottom 3 on dialidol.
JC: She kept it hood last night.
JC: Impressive.
SF: It was impersonation though -- no personal flair.
SF: Aping Bey seems really tough, but it's not HER thing.
JC: Sure, but maybe with time...
JC: At least she didn't compare herself to JENNIFER HUDSON.
SF: Pow!
JC: I thought Simon held back at that point.
JC: YOU, MAAM, ARE NO JENNIFER HUDSON.
SF: It would have been too obvious and "a bit rude," which is now my favorite catchphrase.
JC: It's on my business card.
JC: Speaking of fighting back -- smartest cong choice of the night: "Not Ready To Make Nice."
JC: That's a weirdly wordy song
JC: Alaina didn't nail it, but it was smart.
And Alaina is a weirdly giftless vocalist.
JC: Super limited, but I wasn't mad at the weird R&B twist she put on it.
SF: But it's a song built for three people and the backup singers tore her down.
JC: Not as much as they straight ATE Gina.
JC: I was waiting for them to put a phone number for (backup singer) Charlotte up there.
SF: Hahaha.
JC: Next year, she'll make a good narrative arc when she auditions for the show.
SF: Definitely. Particularly since she wears Smashing Pumpkins and Tenacious D T-shirts.
JC: She should marry Chris Sligh.
SF: He's taken...
JC: ...by JESUS!
SF: That was tee ball.
JC: I hit to all fields.
SF: (pause)

BREAKDOWN
SF: Best performance of the night?
JC: Melinda.
SF: I was oddly compelled by the Jordin Sparks' Disney-fication.
JC: Jordin made that football man cry!
JC: Lakisha was trying to tone it down, I think, lest she be an early favorite who burns too quickly.
SF: True.
SF: So who's going home?
JC: Haley.
JC: And, God willing, Leslie.
SF: In a perfect world.
JC: She can skedaddle.
SF: I fear for Stephanie, too.
JC: Me, too.
JC: She dresses like a 45 year old.
JC: Not helping.
SF: As Voltaire said, "It is not enough to conquer; one must also know how to seduce."
JC: Showoff.

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