Sean Fennessey

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Kill Your Idols: Barry Gibb Week

Posted 05/09/2007 at 6:34 PM | Comment?

How deep is your love of Kill Your Idols? We're inching near the finish line and last night, with a mere four contestants still kicking, we got some time with Bee Gees leader Barry Gibb, he of the profound falsetto. But things weren't all high-pitched fun and games. Melinda, Jordin, LaKisha and the loathsome Blake struggled to adapt to the Bee Gees otherworldly harmonies, resulting in one of the weakest final four episodes of American Idol ever. Jon Caramanica and I are excited to tell you our opinions. To infinity and beyond.

UPSIDE DOWN
Sean Fennessey: Let me start by saying that Melinda's "Love You Inside Out" didn't have shit on Feist's version.
Jon Caramanica: Can that be the last Feist reference of the day then?
SF: Um...
SF: no.
JC: You're fired.
SF: At least I'm going down in the name of love.
JC: That shipment of tiny violins just came in.
JC: Watching "idol" last night only led me to watch an hour of Leona Lewis clips on YouTube.
SF: For those out there unaware, why don't you tell the good people about Leona.
JC: Because then they'll bite.
SF: You're right, only about 10 million people watched Pop Idol X.
JC: The X Factor, thank you very much.
SF: Last night, Blake's X factor was more like XYZ ya later!
JC: NEHRU JACKET.
JC: Leslie Hall-style scatting.
SF: Wow, blast from the past.
JC: Weirdly, can't dance.
JC: Also, can't really sing.
SF: Yeah, his tone is not very nice.
JC: Was excited to meet "a founder of dance music" or something.
SF: Yeah and that echo effect on his voice.
JC: Is he the first Idol to be allowed an echo?
JC: I was actually wondering.
SF: Yikes, it was like Darth Vader on ludes
SF: My notes for Blake actually say: CAN'T SING.
SF: Ha.
JC: Total mess of a week.
JC: Everyone forgets how important harmony was to the Bee Gees.
JC: Also, rhythm.
SF: They're not solo singers, so it was a rough idea from the outset.

BEACON OF FRIGHT
JC: Only Jordin figured the trick out - dig up the ballads.
SF: Plus none of them have falsetto range.
JC: Now you sound like Barry "I was singing like a lady in the first place" Gibb.
SF: Poor guy, his hair looked like Pollyo string cheese.
SF: He whipped out his baby girl voice at one point though and did his thing.
JC: He was styling on them!
JC: KiKi -- take it up a register, ma!
SF: Yeah, clearly she couldn't.
SF: She's in trouble.
JC: It's too bad -- she beasted all over Bon Jovi.
SF: She looked like she was going to melt by the time she got to "Run To Me."
JC: (related: Bon Jovi, more talented than the Bee Gees?)
SF: Oh come on now!
SF: "How Deep Is Your Love"!?!?
SF: "Jive Talkin'"!
SF: "To Love Somebody"!
JC: Just asking!
JC: Sheesh.
SF: Judge Judy would also heartily disagree with you.
JC: Her eyes got big: "Another grump! Mmmmm!"
SF: Ick.
SF: She also ate up valuable TV time.
JC: Yeah, it was her biggest marketing push in years.
JC: Is she syndicated on Fox or something?
SF: Who the hell cares.
SF: She's no Wapner, never has been.
JC: No Judge Joe, for that matter
JC: Turf Talk, sit down!

REAL TALK
SF: Unrelatedly: I was thinking about Melinda and I realize that she hasn't given me the chills since her first two weeks.
SF: And I judge almost every performance based on the chills factor.
JC: MELINDA IS BORING.
JC: HER MOTHER SCRATCHED OUT THE NAME OF THE MICHAEL JACKSON ALBUM "BAD" AND WROTE IN "GOOD."
JC: THAT WILL BE THE LEAD ANECDOTE OF SEVERAL FEATURES ABOUT HER IN THE COMING MONTHS.
JC: AFTER WHICH NO ONE WILL WRITE FEATURES ABOUT HER.
JC: EXCEPT PASTE AND LIVING BLUES.
SF: Zing!
JC: It had to be said.
SF: It also should be said that Randy Jackson had his best week in years.
SF: "Weird discotheque in a foreign country"?
SF: That was kinda fly.
JC: Why hate on foreign discotheques?
JC: Seemed an odd, imperialist swipe.
JC: We were all at a tacky discotheque at some point.
SF: Imperialist?
SF: OK, Teddy Roosevelt, slow down.
JC: Just saying -- foreign techno can be good!
JC: And who is Randy Jackson to call anyone tacky?
SF: There's a blog out there dying to hear your pleas.
SF: This isn't the one.
SF: So LaKisha is dunzo?
JC: I'm guessing, though I'd be psyched if it was Melinda.
JC: Only safe one is Jordin I think.
JC: She chose correctly -- that Streisand jump-off was one of my mom's jams!
SF: If Melinda were bounced it might even ensure a non-career.
SF: Which is what I'm hoping for.
SF: But KiKi, who could probably use some time with her seed anyway before starting the Yolanda Adams 2.0 portion of her life, is prolly out.
JC: No kiss tonight, baby.