March 2008 Archives
Having a Moment: Fabolous
Tags: Britney Spears, Busta Rhymes, Ciara, DJ Drama, Fabolous, Janet Jackson
Britney Spears feat. Fabolous: "Break the Ice (Remix)"
Janet Jackson feat. Busta Rhymes, Ciara & Fabolous: "Feedback (Remix)"
Fabolous: "Fall Back"
from Gangsta Grillz: There is No Competition
Fabolous: "Back To Do The Damn Thing"
from Gangsta Grillz: There is No Competition
It's not as though he has to do this, but Fabolous--a mid-level rapper if there ever was one--is remarkably dedicated to staying in the conversation. Between his surprisingly good (and little discussed) Gangsta Grillz and the two high profile remixes above, he remains a present force in rap for almost no other reason than he can. And he appears to be handing out typically dumb-smart on-the-nose metaphors and puns for free. The most alarming, easily, is from "Back to Do the Damn Thing," a flip boast-athon over Young Buck's "Get Buck": "Yeah, I'm in the building, like a Cory Lidle flight." Damn. While a bit outdated, that cold reference to the late New York Yankees pitcher who died after his plane flew into a midtown New York building is both clever and just a little evil. And though Fab did not confer with Britney about the official "Break the Ice" remix (seems like a studio cash handout), he sounds perfectly at home on the Jock Jammed track, a sturdy tower of drums draped in stinging synths. He even addresses the lady in waiting. Fab to Brit: "She's from a different world like Whitley." Well-played, sir.
Kill Your Idols: In The Year of Their Birth...
Tags: Kill Your Idols
There's little introductory patter necessary here this week. American Idol contestants chose a song that hit the charts in the year they were born. It was something of a mess. Jon Caramanica recently departed VIBE Magazine, but this week he returns to Kill Your Idols as The Ghost of Jon Caramanica. The apparition and I will now talk about this week's Idol moves.
Sean Fennessey: Does America realize that sounding like Luther Vandross is NOT EASY?
Jon Caramanica: Apparently not!
JC: If it was easy, Chikezie woulda done it
SF: So mean.
JC: I thought he was gonna be on his Stern's Africa
JC: King Sunny Ade in the place
SF: You mean Vampire Weekend?
JC: Please - you'll have Xgau on us
SF: (!)
JC: I'll keep it kwaito and that's it
JC: My high school GF was really into johnny clegg & savuka
JC: I apologize on her behalf
SF: This is getting gross already
JC: Tough week to do black music
SF: I'm more bummed that Chikezie won't get a chance to do a batshit country song next week.
JC: Except he already did a batshit country song
JC: Syesha, who I hate, did a good job on that fly Stephanie Mills shit
SF: I agree
JC: Still, bottom 2
SF: She is a cyborg, but she has been strong two weeks in a row
SF: As Shaq once said in Blue Chips "This test is culturally biased."
JC: White people who are not your mom don't know nothing about no Stephanie Mills
SF: And frankly, screw them
JC: Real talk
JC: They all voted for Kristy instead
JC: She spoke white to them
JC: I hope she felt at least a little bit dirty for doing that
SF: Kristy is so evil
SF: But I give her props
SF: You've got to play the game.
JC: She was smart - Simon appreciated her pandering
JC: But I can't believe Simon called Lee Greenwood a "brilliant writer" - I'm not riding
SF: We used to play that song in my college dorm and openly mock it.
JC: You've had a weird life
SF: Fairly standard, I think.
JC: Who plays Lee Greenwood just to mock him?
SF: We would play it with the Green Berets theme song as a B-Side.
SF: Too personal?
JC: A little
SF: Sorry!
JC: Hey, it's your life
SF: If Lee Greenwood walked into the offices of VIBE I'd punch him in the mouth.
SF: Not a threat, a promise.
JC: Let's put out a press release, get Seacrest involved
JC: "I spoke to Lee Greenwood today, and he said he's looking forward to getting punched in the face at the VIBE office."
SF: He's busy with the cover of Cigar Aficionado or whatever fucking thing he's on now
JC: Was in Country Weekly a few issues back
JC: Balling
jonnybling (1:34:41 AM): The usual
SF: I think it's time we address this David Cook situation
JC: Corny, but smart
JC: It's like someone just told him he could be fly
JC: And now he's really embracing it
JC: Also, MASSIVE SKULL
JC: (the name of my new black metal band)
SF: Are there any more rock covers of vaguely rhythmic songs he can pilfer?
SF: Has the well run dry?
JC: Do you think he did the arrangement of "Hello"?
SF: No, he jacked that from someone
SF: Can't remember who
JC: They didn't say so
SF: Incubus!
JC: Seriously?
SF: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KErpROnMuv8
JC: Oh man!
SF: He's shameless and I'm becoming annoyed by the originality praise being heaped on him
JC: Did you see Cook on the iTunes advertorial tonight?
SF: Also shameless
JC: Terrible
JC: But I love how he fessed to using iTunes for reference to jack alternate versions
SF: SWAGGERJACKER
SF: of the highest order
JC: I'm still riding
SF: Also, does Incubus deserve some sort of reconsideration?
JC: Definitely not
JC: That's an annoying band
JC: That I'm sure Jason Castro is into
SF: Ignoring the whole "we have a DJ" thing, I'm not that mad.
JC: Our man James Tai definitely did an article about that DJ in Urb like 5 years ago
SF: James! C'mon, man!
JC: Seriously
JC: Hey, a check's a check
SF: Tell 'em why you mad newly minted freelancer!
JC: I mean, the reason I couldn't do this last night was because of my first freelance gig
JC: You heard what it is?
SF: Tell the world, Jon
JC: JOHN FARNHAM: AN APPRECIATION OF THE COMPLETE WORKS
SF: Incredible
JC: for Australian Rolling Stone
JC: $4 Aus / wd
JC: Ask about me
SF: Stage Dad was definitely eyefucking Simon last night.
JC: How have I not concluded that Archuleta's destined to be a Xian singer until last night?
JC: He's on his Sligh
SF: He's not that good.
JC: (for the record, this Incubus thing is dubious)
JC: (this version is only sorta similar - Cook seems to have swagged it up a bit)
SF: Oh c'mon
SF: You're drinking the Kool-Aid
JC: Absolutely
JC: Give him a chance to be cool
SF: He's a WORD NERD
SF: I know my people when I see them
SF: Just clicking around YouTube videos watching Incubus vids.
SF: Not a bad band
SF: Much better than most of today's modern rock
JC: Dude, people are READING this
JC: sorta
SF: It's OK. I'm grown
JC: Can't save you from yourself
JC: Michael Johns?
SF: I thought he pulled it off.
SF: I was shocked.
JC: Still too controlled
JC: Won't let go
JC: C'mon Michael, pretend you're playing tennis!
SF: I dunno, I have a sweet spot for him, white boy soul and all, and I think he's working toward something.
JC: Working towards...your 2008 P&J ballot!
SF: He LOOKED famous out there to me
SF: Which meant a lot
SF: He definitely got blown off the stage 10 minutes later by David Cook, though
JC: You're buying his studio performances on iTunes, of course
SF: I haven't, but not a bad idea.
JC: FUTURE OF MUSIC
SF: He still hasn't done Otis or Prince or something like that.
JC: Prince isn't in him
SF: He can't win with rock, he should remember that.
JC: Castro could do Prince
SF: Yeesh
JC: He should do "Kiss"
JC: or "Raspberry Beret"
SF: That would work.
SF: "Kiss" though - yikes.
SF: Here's Beck doing "Raspberry Beret" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rFH5VcskAg
SF: Just giving America a little taste.
JC: When I did the Beck/D'Angelo Fader cover all those years back, Beck wanted too much to display to D how into Prince he was
JC: I really am not certain that D'Angelo even really knew who Beck was
SF: He's always been overcompensatory
SF: D'Angelo couldn't even see him, Jon.
JC: Doesn't Scientology teach against that?
SF: We've lost the plot.
JC: OK, here's my contentious contention for the night:
JC: The first half of Brooke White's jam was excellent - if she'd have stuck with it, it woulda been a classic Idol performance
SF: Meh
SF: I think she's cool, doesn't bother me. And maybe if she went in on Carole King she'd have a big moment.
SF: But I hate Sting and only grudgingly respect the Police
SF: And that song is just too PRESENT
JC: I was transfixed by her
JC: And I dislike her
SF: I think she's a good performer
SF: She gives you the ghost in her
JC: Also, tonight - POWDER BLUE JEANS
JC: No mint shorts, but still, a look
JC: Finally, Ramiele was born in Saudi Arabia
JC: Used to bite kids
JC: And dressed like she was on The Tudors
JC: Let's say it together
JC: That's my wife.
SF: Yay!
Fun Dumb Fact of the Day
Tags: Rihanna, The-Dream. JT Money, Tricky Stewart
Christopher "Tricky" Stewart, producer of Rihanna's "Umbrella" and "Breakin' Dishes," as well as much of The-Dream's debut album Love/Hate, produced JT Money's 1999 smash "Who Dat." This is a very small business when see from afar.
Fergie: Best Rapper Alive? Ask Nelly
Tags: Fergie, Nelly, Polow Da Don
Nelly feat. Fergie: "Party People
from the forthcoming Brass Knuckles
I'm not first on this, but I won't be last. Polow da Don makes hit records no one admits to liking. "Party People" will likely be no exception. Also of note: Fergie outraps Nelly here.
N*E*R*D: Bigger in Texas
Tags: David Banner, N*E*R*D, Pharrell, SXSW
I skipped SXSW this year for the first time in a few years - work, life, Lil Boosie (in that order) got in the way. If the online coverage of the event is any indication the annual music industry festival was fine. Not transcendent. Not terrible. Which is how it often is, as you trudge up and down 6th St. hoping for something worth crying over.
Last year gave me what turned out to be my first and last night with UGK, something I hold closer now in light of Pimp C's tragic death. The only things I really regretted missing this year were performances by N*E*R*D (with full band) and David Banner at the The Fader/Levi's Fort. One of those things has been handed to us now. Ever since spending some time with Pharrell earlier this month I've been aching to hear N*3*R*D again, the group's spasmodic, superlative new album. Thanks to the powers of the Interweb, the show, which features four new songs including the completely unhinged "Spazz," has trickled out in the world. And I offer it to you.
Kill Your Idols: The Beatles Week. Again.
Tags: Kill Your Idols
Hey, we're late again, sorry folks. Actually not too sorry, the big homie JC is departing this mortal coil at VIBE, onto other things - though not away from Kill Your Idols, which will definitely play out the string all the way down to David Archuleta's uncomfortable victory. So join us again for an abbreviated chat about this week's train wreck of a follow-up to Lennon-McCartney week, this time with more George Harrison.
Sean Fennessey: SPECIAL I'M QUITTING SO MY PRIORITIES AIN'T STRAIGHT EDITION
Jon Caramanica: don't you mean, SPECIAL I'M QUITTING SO MY PRIORITIES ARE STRAIGHT EDITION?
SF: That's for you to say mon frere.
JC: that's what i say, nephew
SF: I thought you were gonna be like Kristy Lee Cook, hanging on as long as you could.
SF: But nah you went out like a soldier.
JC: swag speechifying
JC: tears
SF: WILD TEARS
JC: clean desktop
JC: much respect to those who shared
SF: I tried to get Chikezie to play the Half-King last night.
SF: He was all booked up.
JC: at the Rodeo Bar
SF: Jamborees on his schedule for days.
JC: Rissi Palmer duet TBD
SF: Chikezie/Allison Krauss album in the works?
JC: Cowboy Troy: hating
JC: Do you think Chikezie made that decision on his own?
SF: If he did it makes me like him even more.
SF: He's literally the only interesting person left on the show
JC: Ramiele
JC: Her inner world is fascinating, I bet
SF: Yeah, she's fun, I guess. She really lost her skills though
JC: She'd be more comfortable at a Roxy Cottontail party
SF: YOUR WIFE!
JC: if only!
JC: boo boo, I'll buy you a new kaffiyeh
JC: purple
JC: cute
JC: come holler
SF: Yo, I heard Chapstick is tryna holler at David Archuleta with that supa early endorsment money.
JC: PAUSE
JC: I need Archuleta on a record with Cam
JC: what would it be named?
SF: "Monopoly Money"
JC: "Pink Paper"
SF: "Sex, Lies and Duct Tape"
JC: "Daddy Issues"
SF: "Toys R Us Kids"
SF: (obvious sample there)
JC: "My Crew Hates Me"
JC: You notice how they were recalibrating this week?
JC: Kristy's pre-roll was all sympathetic and kind
JC: Archuleta's was all about how he fucked up
JC: They're trying to narrow the gap
SF: Michael Johns bullshitting about his dead friend
SF: Brooke White admitting her awkward dancing
SF: All part of the game.
JC: A lot of talky talky this week
SF: Gotta fill those two hours
JC: Reminded me how uninterested I am in these people
JC: Also, Brooke and Cook were really believing their own hype this week
SF: Cook can taste that Daughtry money already.
SF: He sees the Seven Mary Three gaps out there.
SF: I can't blame, there's money out there.
JC: He keeps up with the talkbox, he'll be looking at that Chromeo money instead
JC: Hi Dave!
SF: That's money?
JC: un petit peu
SF: Good jackets prolly, though.
JC: Chromeo = Gnarls Barkley?
SF: Ilene is totally sprung on Brooke White, too by the way.
SF: She's the biggest niche artist in the whole crew.
JC: Even in that yellow dress?
SF: Quote: "I'm just so into her."
SF: What do you say to that?
JC: 1. SHE CAN'T SING
JC: 2. You should be excited.
SF: She's harmless
SF: If Ingrid Michaelson is out here doing things there's no reason Brooke White can't
JC: It is the moment I feared
JC: Scared girls are everywhere
SF: Here to seek revenge for all the wrongdoing.
SF: By quietly telling you how they feel.
SF: In verse.
JC: For the record, I have done no wrong to these women
JC: Not a lot
JC: Some
JC: Not as much as you'd think
JC: OK OK
JC: I'm sorry
JC: Stop whining
SF: You and Amanda Overmyer!
SF: I knew it!
I thought middle America would hold her down this week
considering she was dressed like a WWE Diva
SF: They were too busy getting busy to Kristy's power balladry.
SF: Which, in the hands of Shania Twain, I actually think would work.
JC: I've never liked a country singer less than Kristy Lee Cook
JC: Terri Clark, come home, all is forgiven
SF: Did you care about anything else this week?
JC: Besides my impending freedom?
JC: I cared about how much Syesha lied
JC: A lying liar who lies
JC: Bad actress
JC: Even her HAIR was lying
SF: Not lying: Her cleavage.
SF: Now THAT was a calculated move.
JC: She's gross
JC: She'll be a snooze on tour
JC: I actually thought Castro was good
JC: APC tight jeans and all
SF: He's nice.
SF: Just nice.
JC: also, did Ryan really say last night, "What's up dreads?"
SF: it was more like "What's up Dreads."
SF: The proper name.
JC: Get a Details cover and lose perspective
SF: Seacrest is the best.
SF: The show does not work without him, which is quite a feat if you consider he used to play straight man to Dunkelman
JC: He is, if you can believe it, bigger than Idol
JC: He's slumming two nights a week
SF: Just like us!
JC: When did you stop slumming the other 5?
SF: OOF
JC: Thoughts on the fall of Carly Smithson?
JC: in inverse proportion to the depth of her foundation
SF: I just can't deal with her anymore, broken wing metaphors and whatnot.
SF: That person put people out of a job!
JC: It's because of her that I'll eventually be reduced to reviewing community theater productions in Billings, Montana 5 years from now
JC: I QUIT!
Public Service Announcement
Tags: The Rub
If you know what's good for you, you'll head over to The Rub's homebase and download each and every second of their History of Hip-Hop Mixes. The '90s have been going up in the past few weeks and they're perfect. I'm on '98 and draped in Big L. Go now.
Kill Your Idols: The Top 12 Sing Lennon & McCartney
Tags: Kill Your Idols
No excuses, we're a day late and a dollar short. Sometimes Life Happens, feel? But we couldn't ignore the game all together so Jon Caramanica and I are back in the building, scouring the singing - and for the first time, voting - results of American Idol. Hearts were broken, tears were shed and Jim Carrey was in the building, I guess. Smokin'.
Jon Caramanica (1:09:27 AM): SPECIAL LAZINESS EDITION
JC: I have to confess, I never used to watch the result shows
Sean Fennessey (1:09:58 AM): Would you fast forward through them?
SF: Or just read about the results online?
JC: Nah - just look online
SF: Wow
JC: I know
JC: Feels good to admit
SF: Simon Fuller is NOT happy about that news.
JC: what would I have missed? More Jim Carrey shilling?
SF: I was OK with Jim actually.
SF: Hasn't made a good flick in years, but he knows he's being crass when he is
JC: Dude, I've got Ashley Alexandra Dupre MP3s to listen to
JC: Can we just start with some straight up racist shit?
SF: Sure, why not Sunshine?
JC: Dear Ryan,
JC: DO NOT CONTINUE RUBBING CHIKEZIE'S DOME
JC: Seriously
SF: I keep waiting for Chikezie to snap and start dropping dudes.
SF: Just Bruce Banner-ing all the judges
JC: I'm shocked he didn't say something after the show yesterday
JC: SOAKING WET
SF: Heckuva performance though.
JC: Real hetero choice
JC: Just saying
JC: Two weeks in a row
JC: Just saying
SF: Let's get it out in the open
SF: Chikezie's ready to fuck
JC: ...
JC: Crazy that he and Syesha are the only two African Americans this season
SF: It is surprising.
JC: Real rainbow coalition
SF: Obvs RIP the Great Asia'h Epperson, who hopefully will sing "I'm Going Down" at my wedding.
JC: I can't even type, I'm so lacking the words to describe how I feel about that
JC: The only viable radio artist in the group, gone
JC: (though Brooke White is on her Fresh 102.7)
SF: As a friend texted me last week "America let us down."
JC: More than usual?
SF: Yeah, even Danny was pure fun.
JC: I miss Danny already
JC: Ramiele is no substitute
SF: And they nixed him for Syesha, who's a cyborg and D. Hernandez who's headed back to Yuma
JC: Strippergate really got him - I wouldn't have called that
JC: Vocally, there's no way he should have gone home
JC: He was fighting back the stripper dance moves, though
SF: I guess. The tremolo is not a sound I like and that was his mode.
JC: i thought he was in the top 6 last night
SF: OK, now you're crazy.
JC: There were like 8 train wrecks - he at least held the tune
SF: Gotta disagree with you there, I had no problem with the bottom 3 this week.
SF: Everyone but Ramiele was solid I thought.
SF: Even Carly, who I hate, kinda nailed it.
JC: Worse than Syesha? Than Ramiele? Than Kristy? Than the other David?
JC: it was brick city, kid
JC: Shoulda been a wrap for Syesha
JC: (I can't believe I called her for top 2 - Jesus, i hope no one bet on that info)
SF: David H. was better than Kristy and Syesha. No one else.
JC: Why is Ramiele so boring?
SF: BALLADS
JC: She's clearly cooler than even me and you
JC: Shook?
SF: It's true, she seems fun.
SF: Until they put the mic in her hand, then she glazes over.
JC: And btw, who told those kids in the crowd to wave in fucking unison?
JC: Like 5 times?
SF: OOOF
SF: That was tacky as hell.
JC: One upside to the "mosh pit" - they might actually riot and have the judges surrounded
SF: You think there's a SLOW WAVE sign that lights up below the applause sign?
JC: YES
SF: In that case there's def a FUCK SIMON, BOO HIM sign below that.
JC: Controlled by Simon
JC: Castro failed music class, btw
JC: Not a shock
SF: He can barely play guitar
JC: He's perfect
JC: A little talent is dangerous
SF: Just look at Syesha.
JC: Or Brooke
JC: Since when is not hitting notes a win?
SF: If Castro and Brooke and David Cook make it to the final 4 we know this instrument this is a big trick.
SF: And I like all of them right now.
JC: You see David Cook's hat tonight?
JC: I have a new name for him:
JC: SWAG MUSIC
JC: He's wiping the floor with Bjorn Borg over there
SF: He is, post-Lionel Richie he developed a big personality.
SF: What happened to our "word nerd"?
JC: No more word scrambles!
JC: Maybe he's been playing Guitar Hero 3 in his downtime
SF: Yo, seriously:
SF: That shit works.
JC: They also seem to have Amanda playing with Barbie dolls - is she ... cute?
JC: They finally dialed her makeup down
JC: I wasn't mad
SF: She realized she's her mother's daughter, maybe?
SF: Also, good body. Great jeans.
JC: I really had no idea
SF: I say that not as a man, but as an admirer of form.
JC: mmm hmm
JC: (paging Cardin McKinney)
SF: WOWSERS
SF: Hit me on MYSPACE
JC: Unrelated: the Spitzer girl got 2 million Myspace views today
SF: Good for her.
JC: And she checked her Myspace TODAY
SF: I'm proud of that girl.
SF: She's the next Fergie.
JC: Did she accept your friend request?
SF: Still waiting on that one.
SF: We're friends in my heart, though.
JC: She'll be working with JR Rotem in like 3 weeks
SF: He loves them white gurls.
SF: cf. Dirty Pop, VIBE, May 2007
JC: A classic!
JC: A quick word on the self-immolation of David Archuleta before we go?
SF: Yes, let's.
JC: He's 2 years away from a drug habit
SF: Good chance he's on Paxil now, no?
JC: Mormons no allow!
SF: That disposition (and the lip-licking!) is a dead giveaway.
JC: You think his dad hates Idol, wishes David were studying jazz vocals at the Manhattan School of Music?
SF: Is his Dad Dave Brubeck?
JC: I have no jazz jokes to make - sorry
SF: Also, I should mention that David Archuleta doesn't know the Lennon-McCartney catalogue...
SF: and yet made his name on "Imagine."
SF: That is some sucker shit, do your homework, child.
JC: Salty
JC: ROCKIST
JC: ha!
JC: A tip of the cap to Seacrest
JC: for the investigative journalism of the week
JC: "I know you had a stressful week the last week or so," he asked Hernandez
JC: "Do you think you overanalyzed your [VERY HETERO] song choice?"
JC: Way to go in, champ!
SF: His base dropped him.
SF: Just as our base has dropped us as we come in a day late.
JC: All apologies to Ryan, Tom, and you other 3 people
SF: (Hi guys!)
JC: Soaking wet!
Kill Your Idols: The Sweet 16
Tags: Kill Your Idols
It was a night of embarrassment on American Idol last night -- and we're not just talking about Luke Menard! When the remaining 16 contestants took the stage there was one favorite - David Archuleta - and 15 also-rans. Things changed a bit after that. After tonight there will only be 12. Come join Jon Caramanica and I as we needlessly and hopelessly recount the proceedings.
THE GUYS
Jon Caramanica: My heart is not the first to be broken
JC: My eyes are not the first to have cried
JC: RIP Alaina
Sean Fennessey: I'm worried about you.
JC: Thanks!
SF: I was far sadder about Alexandrea Lushington a/k/a The Lush b/k/a Lush Life
JC: You're the one who texted me "Kady Malloy is banging" last night
SF: She is!
JC: A-Lush'll be fine as a Teyana backup singer
JC: Or a professional Archuleta hugger
SF: Speaking of La David A...
SF: He sucked.
JC: Wild precious
JC: La da dee, La doo dow
JC: She's homeless
SF: I think Seacrest wanted to knock the snot out of him when he went on his homeless soliloquy.
JC: My heart remains frozen, David
JC: If only you'd hit all the notes
SF: There isn't a note on the scale that could make me warm to his stage-y ass. SF: Not even a high G
SF: Also, he's Mormon.
JC: He should take personality lessons from Danny
JC: TMTH!
SF: Danny is my favorite contestant.
SF: Instant great TV
JC: Why do you like Danny but hated Sanjaya?
SF: Because Danny can actually sing -- even though he's been admittedly terrible.
SF: If Danny starts understanding what a spectacle he's become then it loses all its charm.
SF: But I think he's actually just a bitchy dude who loves singing while swinging his hips.
JC: Dude, he KNOWS he's a spectacle. He wants his internet fame
SF: I don't really agree with that.
SF: I think the things he says to Simon are the same things he says to his Mom.
JC: And he would say them to anyone who'll listen - that kid wants to be a host JC: on FuseTV by the time he's 23
SF: God willing!
SF: He does have a little Jesse Camp in him.
JC: I just wish he'd sing
JC: I thought Randy was really spot-on when he called him "vocally shy"
JC: A rare glimmer of brain activity from dude
SF: He was too busy thinking about Michael Hutchence.
SF: Wild man-crush, Randy has on him.
SF: Also, I know we would probably do the same thing he does after every song, but it's really time for Randy to stop reading the song's discography and liner notes after each performance.
JC: They should have "The Productions and Occasional Session Work of Randy Jackson" week, just get it all out in the open
SF: That would probably be terrific, actually.
SF: I always wondered why no one ever performs a Paula song.
SF: That would get a response, no?
SF: "Rush" maybe?
JC: Has that never happened?
SF: Can you remember an example?
JC: I cannot
JC: Maybe in auditions?
SF: I mean, she was never much of a vocalist, but there's got to be something.
SF: I heard Blake Lewis was dying to get his MC Skat Cat on.
JC: Blake joke? Really?
SF: Fuck Blake.
JC: Wow, I bet that felt good to say
JC: NINE months later
SF: Invigorating, even.
JC: You know who was on his Blake this week?
JC: Your man
JC: Luke
SF: Some more performances like that and he'll be filing for Chapter 11.
SF: Aiyo!
JC: YOU WAS A BALLERINA, I GOT THE PICTURES I SEEN YA
JC: That's all I could think about during his performance: W.W.B.P.D. (What would Ballerina P do?)
Luke is a TREND-SETTER
JC: 3,000 word feature on a capella - assign it!
JC: NO BITING, all you readers
SF: Blender has been on that
JC: Hot a capella Fashion!
SF: Talk of the Town piece commences in 5 days
JC: MADE ACAPELLA GANGSTER AGAIN, LEARDNES HOW TO WRITE HARMONY PARTS FOR HAVOC
JC: DRESSED PREPPY BEFORE THAT KANYE TO THE
JC: HAD STUBBLE
JC: FUCKED WHITE BITCHES
SF: Luke Menard is an Alpo for our time.
SF: A man not for these times?
SF: CHIKEZIE E-Z
JC: Fa nominal
JC: Not really
JC: He'll be the best jazz singer in Indianapolis someday
SF: You think he's nailing Donny Hathaway's niece or whatever?
JC: Is that a rumor?
SF: It is now.
JC: TMZ, here we come!
JC: What up Max?
SF: I been ready, get me that Time Warner money
JC: Menard and Hernandez going home?
SF: That's what DialIdol says
SF: And that's what I'm hoping for.
SF: Hernandez' long national nightmare could come to a close.
JC: Hey, Hernandez used to make TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS on a Friday night
JC: Why would you want to publicly fail on Idol?
SF: There's nothing sexier than a 13th place finisher on American Idol.
SF: Hernandez was pretty bad, I thought.
JC: I like the way he stripped it down
SF: Took you long enough to drop that gem
JC: Meta-jokes aren't as funny in this format
SF: Michael Johns? Will he make the top 5?
SF: Are there supporters out there?
JC: That dude's a snore - David Cook ate him this week
JC: No Hernandez
JC: I'm so into Cook's complete lack of cool
SF: He has a combover
JC: Maybe he's the one with the wig
SF: Is David Cook secretly the best soul singer this season?
JC: I think you may be right
SF: "Hellllllo"
SF: He really put himself in contention with that.
SF: He's no Castro though.
JC: That kid's got a great career on Brushfire Records ahead of him
SF: Brushfire? He's about to be on that Dave Matthews label.
SF: ATO bitch
JC: Jack Johnson's already called that kid
JC: If he could find a phone
THE GIRLS
SF: Yo, Brooke White wants you to know she will cut you...
SF: With her heart.
JC: She was good, I thought
JC: No vocal range whatsoever, but she made it work like Castro did Buckley
JC: The girls were mostly wack
SF: Aside from Brooke, everyone else was below average.
SF: Thought Kady actually did OK and they've been too hard on her.
SF: Then again, I want to smell her hair.
SF: Sorry Ilene!
JC: Yeah, I think you're on the fumes on that
JC: I, too, am sorry, Ilene
JC: She's crazy dull
JC: She's sorta like Danny - no personality in performing
SF: You know who's really devolved?
SF: Ramiele
JC: Poor Ramiele - She's at the tip of something
JC: But she did not get it right
SF: She's been doing torchy songs too much, too.
JC: I know she can do better
SF: Her one lively moment was a horrendous disco record.
JC: She's a balladeer, it's what she's made for
JC: I would listen to an album of her just singing ballads...
JC: In the dark...
JC: At the sushi spot.
SF: She still needs some zest.
SF: Also in need of some Zest, Amanda Overmyer.
SF: Wash your hair girl
SF: And look at the camera
JC: I have no thoughts on Amanda
JC: Can she go home now?
SF: She's not going anywhere.
JC: I would like to see Amanda and Kady go home
SF: Should I be legitimately afraid for Asia'h?
JC: Those pants squeezed half the song out of her!
SF: She was cute.
SF: And her "friend," I'm pretty sure, is one of the Ying Yang Twins
SF: He just stepped out of the strip club.
JC: I find it creepy how they now have the family members watching over the farewell performances
JC: Like they're watching lab rats
SF: It's very depressing.
SF: Not sad, just depressing.
SF: The looks on the family members faces are rough.
SF: Just once I want someone's fiancee to give the camera the finger.
JC: That is, unless it's Carly's mom!
JC: Hi there!
JC: When you want to vent about Carly's husband's face tattoos, EMAIL ME!
SF: Nah, it's Amanda's mom who's the hot one. Carly's mom, in all likelihood, has terrible teeth.
JC: She was there last night - she was fire!
SF: She's great.
SF: Definitely looks younger than her daughter.
JC: Yeah, Carly was on her Dita von Teese last night
SF: Before we go, I have nothing on Syesha or Kristy Lee.
SF: They can go as far as I'm concerned.
JC: Um, Kristy had pet rats as a kid
JC: Seriously, no one on Idol has ever undermined their inherent hotness more than Kristy Lee Cook
JC: She's so country.
JC: And so going home
SF: There's a big difference between "tomboy" and "redneck"
2008: The Year of Young Jeezy (Or Young Jeezy Surrogates)
The-Dream ft. Young Jeezy: "I Luv Your Girl (Remix)"
Shawty Lo ft. Ludacris, Young Jeezy, Hunt, Akon, Red Cafe, Plies & Lil Wayne: "They Know (Remix)"
Rocko ft. Young Jeezy, T.I., Boo & Big Kuntry: "Umma Do Me (Remix)"
Usher feat. Young Jeezy: "Love In This Club"
from Usher's forthcoming untitled album
America is not finished with Young Jeezy. Not by a long shot.
Arguably the three biggest songs in hip hop and R&B at this very moment -- Rocko's "Umma Do Me," Shawty Lo's "They Know" and Usher's surging "Love In This Club" (no. 1 at iTunes in just three days since release) -- have found ways to utilize or emulate Jeezy's rasp and, in many ways, redefine what constitutes the sound of a rap hit. Shawty Lo -- who is, by all accounts, a gaudier, gauche Jeezy -- is a stylistic beast, burbling personality tics all over his records ("I can rock it a capell-o!"). Rocko is something of a blank slate with a monster hook, jacked from Jeezy's groan, obviously. And it's interesting that Usher, who is grown and married now, would use Jeezy to enliven his new single, rather than his old running mate Ludacris. Luda got to play the side part on the strange Rich Harrison-produced leak, "Dat Girl Right There." That was the weird song. Jeezy gets the Polow-produced pop hit. Whereas Jeezy was intense and in many ways threatening to rap's social mores ("An adlib here, an adlib there, fuck it, adlibs everywhere") on his first two albums, now he's become an insitution and a model. Call it lowered expectations, diminished skills, personality over substance, charisma over character, etc. It doesn't matter, this is where we're at with rap today. The-Dream, another stylistic monster, now has Jeezy passing through a remix of his "I Luv Your Girl" intoning "Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama" and "Free Big Meech" within the space of one bar. "I Luv Your Girl" is neither political or criminal and yet Jeezy sounds perfectly reasonable at the outset of the song. Ay.
Pharrell: Limp Bizkit, Pretty Great
N*E*R*D*: "Everyone Nose"
from the forthcoming N.3.R.D.
I've reposted N*E*R*D's new single, "Everyone Nose," because after spending some time with Pharrell and the group's third album, N.3.R.D., on Friday a few fascinating topics of conversation came up. Some boilerplate (Pharrell loves "Dey Know" and wants to wrap his minor-key tentacles around Shawty Lo's minimalist purr), some expected (Madonna's forthcoming Hard Candy - a "monster" in in his words - is a 12-track split: six Neptunes-produced songs, six Timbaland-produced) and some damn near baffling (we'll get there).
The seven or so tracks Pharrell played vacillated between heavily percussive, rattling drum 'n' bass freakouts ("Spaz," in particular is something fierce) and melody-driven heartbreakers. He copped to the emotional split on the album, mixing one part guitar-driven body rock with one part soft, synth-driven emo&B (think the group's "Run To the Sun" from In Search Of...) It sounds closer to that debut than the somewhat maligned Fly or Die, an interesting experiment with modern rock and lounge-appropriate crooning that unfortunately featured a Good Charlotte collaboration. But the sound is even more aggressive than their well-received debut, and Pharrell emphasized a hunger for "German festival crowds, like 90,000 white boys thrashing." This eventually, somehow, led a soliloquy to "Fred" (as in Durst) whom Pharrell called a genius and credited with bringing loads of white people to rap that otherwise wouldn't have been interested. As the conversation continued he called "Nookie" "the coolest record at that time." Sounded extremely dubious at first. But after listening a bit longer, it began to sound like a brilliant alternate history on a band whose songs were derided almost uniformly by critics when they were tearing down the charts. I didn't quibble with any of Pharrell's revisionism. Later, he also praised Staind's Aaron Lewis as an important singer and wished he could somehow resurrect him in the pop landscape. I'd almost completely forgotten about Lewis, a Durst outgrowth who sang sadder and slower songs than his label mentor. "In a Little While" was actually a terrific song and Pharrell may be onto something. He also mentioned that Timbaland has signed Chris Cornell to his Moseley Music Group imprint, a smart move in this post-OneRepublic age. Imagine what Tim could do for the leather-lunged Cornell, who, though aged, has already been dabbling with Michael Jackson covers in his solo material. All this chatter about bygone hard rock figures seems to mark some sort of reconsideration of a period famously hated in the press (I can recall at least two excellent pieces by Charles Aaron in Spin around the turn of the century.) From what I heard, N.3.R.D. isn't quite a trip back to that time, Pharrell is far too interested in bonkers time signatures and clavinets and Egyptian chords to succumb to such mookery. He's also a bit of a softie, so songs like the open-hearted "Someday We'll Laugh About It" immediately make a Limp relaunch impossible. Still, I never expected to be talking about this sort of thing with anyone ever again, let alone Pharrell Williams.
