Sean Fennessey

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Kill Your Idols: In The Year of Their Birth...

Posted 03/27/2008 at 11:16 AM | Comment?

There's little introductory patter necessary here this week. American Idol contestants chose a song that hit the charts in the year they were born. It was something of a mess. Jon Caramanica recently departed VIBE Magazine, but this week he returns to Kill Your Idols as The Ghost of Jon Caramanica. The apparition and I will now talk about this week's Idol moves.

Sean Fennessey: Does America realize that sounding like Luther Vandross is NOT EASY?
Jon Caramanica: Apparently not!
JC: If it was easy, Chikezie woulda done it
SF: So mean.
JC: I thought he was gonna be on his Stern's Africa
JC: King Sunny Ade in the place
SF: You mean Vampire Weekend?
JC: Please - you'll have Xgau on us
SF: (!)
JC: I'll keep it kwaito and that's it
JC: My high school GF was really into johnny clegg & savuka
JC: I apologize on her behalf
SF: This is getting gross already
JC: Tough week to do black music
SF: I'm more bummed that Chikezie won't get a chance to do a batshit country song next week.
JC: Except he already did a batshit country song
JC: Syesha, who I hate, did a good job on that fly Stephanie Mills shit
SF: I agree
JC: Still, bottom 2
SF: She is a cyborg, but she has been strong two weeks in a row
SF: As Shaq once said in Blue Chips "This test is culturally biased."
JC: White people who are not your mom don't know nothing about no Stephanie Mills
SF: And frankly, screw them
JC: Real talk
JC: They all voted for Kristy instead
JC: She spoke white to them
JC: I hope she felt at least a little bit dirty for doing that
SF: Kristy is so evil
SF: But I give her props
SF: You've got to play the game.
JC: She was smart - Simon appreciated her pandering
JC: But I can't believe Simon called Lee Greenwood a "brilliant writer" - I'm not riding
SF: We used to play that song in my college dorm and openly mock it.
JC: You've had a weird life
SF: Fairly standard, I think.
JC: Who plays Lee Greenwood just to mock him?
SF: We would play it with the Green Berets theme song as a B-Side.
SF: Too personal?
JC: A little
SF: Sorry!
JC: Hey, it's your life
SF: If Lee Greenwood walked into the offices of VIBE I'd punch him in the mouth.
SF: Not a threat, a promise.
JC: Let's put out a press release, get Seacrest involved
JC: "I spoke to Lee Greenwood today, and he said he's looking forward to getting punched in the face at the VIBE office."
SF: He's busy with the cover of Cigar Aficionado or whatever fucking thing he's on now
JC: Was in Country Weekly a few issues back
JC: Balling
jonnybling (1:34:41 AM): The usual
SF: I think it's time we address this David Cook situation
JC: Corny, but smart
JC: It's like someone just told him he could be fly
JC: And now he's really embracing it
JC: Also, MASSIVE SKULL
JC: (the name of my new black metal band)
SF: Are there any more rock covers of vaguely rhythmic songs he can pilfer?
SF: Has the well run dry?
JC: Do you think he did the arrangement of "Hello"?
SF: No, he jacked that from someone
SF: Can't remember who
JC: They didn't say so
SF: Incubus!
JC: Seriously?
SF: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KErpROnMuv8
JC: Oh man!
SF: He's shameless and I'm becoming annoyed by the originality praise being heaped on him
JC: Did you see Cook on the iTunes advertorial tonight?
SF: Also shameless
JC: Terrible
JC: But I love how he fessed to using iTunes for reference to jack alternate versions
SF: SWAGGERJACKER
SF: of the highest order
JC: I'm still riding
SF: Also, does Incubus deserve some sort of reconsideration?
JC: Definitely not
JC: That's an annoying band
JC: That I'm sure Jason Castro is into
SF: Ignoring the whole "we have a DJ" thing, I'm not that mad.
JC: Our man James Tai definitely did an article about that DJ in Urb like 5 years ago
SF: James! C'mon, man!
JC: Seriously
JC: Hey, a check's a check
SF: Tell 'em why you mad newly minted freelancer!
JC: I mean, the reason I couldn't do this last night was because of my first freelance gig
JC: You heard what it is?
SF: Tell the world, Jon
JC: JOHN FARNHAM: AN APPRECIATION OF THE COMPLETE WORKS
SF: Incredible
JC: for Australian Rolling Stone
JC: $4 Aus / wd
JC: Ask about me
SF: Stage Dad was definitely eyefucking Simon last night.
JC: How have I not concluded that Archuleta's destined to be a Xian singer until last night?
JC: He's on his Sligh
SF: He's not that good.
JC: (for the record, this Incubus thing is dubious)
JC: (this version is only sorta similar - Cook seems to have swagged it up a bit)
SF: Oh c'mon
SF: You're drinking the Kool-Aid
JC: Absolutely
JC: Give him a chance to be cool
SF: He's a WORD NERD
SF: I know my people when I see them
SF: Just clicking around YouTube videos watching Incubus vids.
SF: Not a bad band
SF: Much better than most of today's modern rock
JC: Dude, people are READING this
JC: sorta
SF: It's OK. I'm grown
JC: Can't save you from yourself
JC: Michael Johns?
SF: I thought he pulled it off.
SF: I was shocked.
JC: Still too controlled
JC: Won't let go
JC: C'mon Michael, pretend you're playing tennis!
SF: I dunno, I have a sweet spot for him, white boy soul and all, and I think he's working toward something.
JC: Working towards...your 2008 P&J ballot!
SF: He LOOKED famous out there to me
SF: Which meant a lot
SF: He definitely got blown off the stage 10 minutes later by David Cook, though
JC: You're buying his studio performances on iTunes, of course
SF: I haven't, but not a bad idea.
JC: FUTURE OF MUSIC
SF: He still hasn't done Otis or Prince or something like that.
JC: Prince isn't in him
SF: He can't win with rock, he should remember that.
JC: Castro could do Prince
SF: Yeesh
JC: He should do "Kiss"
JC: or "Raspberry Beret"
SF: That would work.
SF: "Kiss" though - yikes.
SF: Here's Beck doing "Raspberry Beret" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rFH5VcskAg
SF: Just giving America a little taste.
JC: When I did the Beck/D'Angelo Fader cover all those years back, Beck wanted too much to display to D how into Prince he was
JC: I really am not certain that D'Angelo even really knew who Beck was
SF: He's always been overcompensatory
SF: D'Angelo couldn't even see him, Jon.
JC: Doesn't Scientology teach against that?
SF: We've lost the plot.
JC: OK, here's my contentious contention for the night:
JC: The first half of Brooke White's jam was excellent - if she'd have stuck with it, it woulda been a classic Idol performance
SF: Meh
SF: I think she's cool, doesn't bother me. And maybe if she went in on Carole King she'd have a big moment.
SF: But I hate Sting and only grudgingly respect the Police
SF: And that song is just too PRESENT
JC: I was transfixed by her
JC: And I dislike her
SF: I think she's a good performer
SF: She gives you the ghost in her
JC: Also, tonight - POWDER BLUE JEANS
JC: No mint shorts, but still, a look
JC: Finally, Ramiele was born in Saudi Arabia
JC: Used to bite kids
JC: And dressed like she was on The Tudors
JC: Let's say it together
JC: That's my wife.
SF: Yay!