Speak Easy

It's Like Moving Mountains

Posted 05/27/2008 at 8:27 PM  |  3 comment/s

The reason I've been listening to Usher's latest single so much is because he sounds like I did a few months ago before my ex-girlfriend and I broke up.

Without saying too much, it was I who messed up and couldn't seem to do the right thing. Eventually, my lady found out, and that's when, as Usher says, "the hurricane came, came in and stopped us ." We tried and tried to piece back together our relationship, but eventually, trust was forever gone, and you all know how that goes. No trust, no us.

That was months ago, and these days, I feel myself getting back into a groove of sorts. If my life were a movie, I'd be at that scene they always cut to after something really bad happens and the words "A few months later" comes up on the screen. I'm okay, but not there. Close though, which makes the the timing of "Moving Mountains" somewhat troubling. It makes me take pause and think about those days where nothing I did seemed to be right because of something I did wrong. Then the song ends, and I go back to being almost there.

Yet and still, in a very manly way (trust me), I managed to bring up this topic with a couple of my boys. We all agreed the trouble of a woman staying with you after you've been caught doing something wrong is worse than the pain of her leaving you immediately. The reason being, all the little things you used to be able to do will no longer be allowed, even if those little things were without consequence in the first place. We came up with a small list that I'd like to share.

THINGS YOU CAN NO LONGER DO IF YOU GET CAUGHT CHEATING OR DOING SOMETHING ELSE YOU SHOULDN'T BE DOING

WATCH MOVIES CONTAINING INFIDELITY SCENES
This probably deserves a sub list filled with movies that can be accurately described as infidelity movies. I'm not going to make that list because it would probably top out at five to ten and I know most of you guys know them. For instance Waiting To Exhale. Fellas, if you ever did some dirt and your woman found out, and your still with her, do I even need to explain how quickly you must change the channel? But there are two types of movies you must be careful of and I will list them.

Feel-good Romantic Comedies: In order for their to be a happy ending in a romantic comedy, there must be a sad middle, which means, nine times out of ten, a man is going to be cheating. Before you go see the next movie starring Morris Chestnut and Gabrielle Union, fellas, do your research and ask one of your other whipped boys who saw it with their girl if there are any scenes where the man is cheating. If there is, tell your woman to wait for the DVD because any movie with Morris Chestnut and Gabrielle Union will only take two weeks to get to DVD. Hope she forgets it did come out on DVD.

Movies Where the Woman Is Cheating: This is self-explanatory, but I must explain. If you are still dating the woman you cheated on, don't ever let her watch one of these wacked out films where the female character is feeling all liberated and wants to hit every dude in sight because she's bored with her relationship or mad at her man or some other crazy rationale. In other words, don't ever let your woman see Unfaithful because she probably already has, and if you're lucky, she forgot all about it.

DON'T EVER BE LATE
As a matter of fact, don't even ever be on time. Be early. Just be early and ask your woman why she's running late. This takes the attention away from you. The day you run late for something as small as dropping off a pair of socks she forgot at your place, your woman will start acting like Bill Duke in Menace II Society.

NEVER EVER LOOK AT ANOTHER WOMAN
In the beginning, most women have a pretty good disposition towards men making second glances at another woman. They understand that just because we're on a diet doesn't mean we won't look at a menu. But once you've gotten caught doing some dirt, it's best if you avoid all eye contact with another woman. Even if another woman is looking at you, just go tell on her to your woman. Don't stare back.

NO NEW PASSWORDS
Whether it's your keyguard lock on your phone or your login password for one of these social networking websites, don't even think to put a password lock on your stuff or change the old one. You should've thought of that the first time homie, and you didn't, so it's too late now. Just live with the fact that your woman will always know your passwords for everything is your mother's birth date backwards.

NEVER GO OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS WITHOUT INVITING YOUR GIRL
It used to be all you would have to do is check in with your lady and let her know, you're going out with your boys. Then, as she became more and more possessive, you needed to do more than notify her, you needed to make sure you two didn't have plans and she didn't want to do anything. But ever since your woman found out what really goes down with your boys, you are now forced to invite her everywhere you go. This includes that bachelor party where the invite says in big neon letters, "Guys Only". And there are no plus ones unless your woman is going with you. If not, it's plus none, because neither of you are going.

Most women out there will say these things don't apply to them. And you know what? You're probably right. But one thing I do know is once a man has broken one rule in the relationship there are new rules he must follow. And I may not have all of them here, so I'd like to end my blog by asking my female readers this question: What are some new rules your man must abide to if he has been caught doing something he shouldn't of been doing? The longer the list gets, the better people will understand, Usher has a point.

Watch the video but pay attention to the words

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