A Thing Women Say
A couple weeks ago, my boys and I were down in New Orleans. The last night of our weekend, one of my homies gets a call at 3 in the morning from this girl he hasn't seen in a couple years. Now, it's late, and we have all just got back from a live concert, so we're up but we have no energy. None of us do. But the girl insists on coming over to see him, and my boy finally gives in. Right before he hangs up she says: "But just so you know, we're not having sex."
Needless to say, my boy immediately reneged on the invitation and told the girl not to come to the hotel. Of course she gets upset and accuses him of only wanting one thing, and though he did make some sort of effort to explain why he changed his mind, he didn't have the energy. But I do, so allow me to explain.
Before I wrote this post, I talked to various women and told them why I hate it when a woman feels the need to tell me there will no be sex going down. Some of them said when women say nothing's going down, they're just trying to psych themselves into thinking nothing will happen, even though, through the powers of persuasion, something can. Some other women said they just want to keep a guy's expectations low.
But in my book, neither of those dogs hunt.
Human nature tells us to go left when the sign goes right, so when somebody tells you they don't want to do something, there's a chance you might want to do it, even if you didn't have it in your mind to do it in the first place. If I invite my boy over, and he says, "Yeah, I'll come through, but man, just so you know, I don't want to play ball today." Guess what? Now I want to play ball, so he can just stay home.
The same rules apply when I ask a woman to come over. If I invite you over for a bad movie and some great Chinese food, why would you ruin my invitation with your little caveat? All I really wanted was some company, but some women act like I asked them to go pick up a box of condoms on their way over to my spot.
Something else I don't buy is this idea that when a woman says, "I want to come over but we aren't doing anything," she really means "We are doing something." The way I see it, a woman needs to say what she wants and knows what she means. Ladies, if you do want to sleep with the guy, how about you just tell him that before you come over?
See, this is how women get pregnant by accident. They tell a guy they're coming over but they're not going to do anything, so the guy doesn't bother restocking his supply of rubbers. An hour into the visit, you two are on the bed, rounding third base, and the girl stops and says, "Do you have protection?"
"NO I DON'T BECAUSE YOU SAID WE WEREN'T DOING THIS!" What makes it worse is the woman doesn't have any protection either, because supposedly she didn't mean for things to get so far. So next thing you know, two months later, the two of you are reading copies of What to Expect When You're Expecting. But I digress...The fact is, I'm not about to get your "no" to mean "yes" because that's a very dangerous and slippery slope. If you think you're going to change your mind once you get to my place, stay strapped.
Then there are those women who do mean what they say, and when they say nothing's going down, they mean it. Let me tell you why I have a problem with them.
Sometimes when a man invites a woman over, he genuinely wants to just chill. He could really want to watch a movie and break bread with the woman, but because she's felt the need to treat him like parents taking their children to Target ("We're just buying clothes, no toys."), he's put into the awkward position of defending himself against something he didn't have in mind in the first place. It's really not fair to think all men really want is one thing. I mean, it's true, but it's not fair. We could want that one thing the next time you come over, not the first time.
Ladies, telling a man how the movie ends before it begins is a surefire way to get plans canceled. So from now on, what I have decided to do is beat the girl to the punch and the bearer of bad (or is it good?) news myself. The next time a woman asks me to come over to watch a movie or just "kick it", I'm going to accept the invitation. But just so we're clear, I will let her know there will be no wrestling with the clothes off. If that's okay with her, I'm on my way. And if that's not okay with her, guess what? I'm on my way. ;)
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Comments
1.
MadBrooke says:
The reason why girls tell guys that is because they DON'T want to have sex. And since guys act like they're still in high school when it comes down to getting laid, women still have to take the childish route by warning them that they just want a warm body to lay next to. Maybe she had a bad dream.
08/07/2008 at 6:13 PM
2.
shamirachris says:
i think your last paragraph sums things up the best way...i mean, why else would would anyone want to kick it at 3AM...? i'm just saying...
07/21/2008 at 8:58 PM
3.
2hot2handle says:
if i say no then the guy better respect that. true dont make the guys expectations high tell him u both aint havin sex. period no means no. why he gotta be upset
07/20/2008 at 3:49 PM
4.
Huey_Shabazz says:
I feel that but can we get a dialogue started about "no" meaning "yes," "yes" meaning "no," and the nuances in between?
07/18/2008 at 12:18 PM