Category: "Award Shows"
VC Does the 49th Annual Grammy Awards
Apparently VC’s invitation to the 49th Annual Grammy Awards got lost in the mail, but that didn’t stop us from watching it on TV. Here are our comments and observations on music's big night:
8:00
Aw shucks, it’s Sting and those dudes…um, The Police. Wow! Sting looks hella good. How old is he like 78? Bump milk, it would appear that tantric sex does a body good.
Wait, what song are they singing again? Oh yeah, “Roxanne.”
8:04
Jamie Foxx comes out to present the first televised award of the night, Best Pop Collabo or something to that effect.
He tells a wack joke, but comments that it would “kill on BET.” Unfortunately that doesn’t mean a damn thing.
8:07
Old heads Tony Bennett and Stevie Wonder beat out Nelly Furtado and Timbaland, Mary J. and U2, Sheryl Crow and Sting, and Wyclef, Shakira and her hips? Well, damn.
8:10
The Dixie Chicks are performing. Time for a smoke break, even though we don’t smoke.
8:18
Prince, looking sharp as ever and with a fresh hairdo, takes the stage and introduces Beyoncé. He dries out rather nicely.
8:18
Beyoncé wants us to “Listen.” We’re just glad she didn’t “Ring the Alarm.” She’s rocking a lacefront wig complete with foliage and a see-through gown. At this moment men everywhere are cursing Jay-Z and his good fortune.
8:21
The Black Eyed Peas take the stage to present a Lifetime Achievement Award to Booker T & The M.G.’s.
We realize that at one time she may have been hooked on meth, but Fergie needs to get hooked on phonics. Can someone please grab the mic and read her lines since she can’t?
Oh great, they’re still on stage. OK, they’re presenting the award for Best R&B Album as well.
8:23
Mary J. Blige wins her first Grammy of the night. Good Lord, she’s rocking that braid on her head again.
What in the devil is she talking bout in her acceptance speech? Mary, let it go, boo, let it go. PLEASE breakthrough already.
8:25
Mary is still talking and they play that “get yo ass off the stage” music.
8:25
Queen Latifah takes the stage to introduce the three singers competing to win the My Grammy Moment contest and perform live on stage with Justin Timberlake later in the show.
8:33
Justin comes on to discuss the motivation behind his new single “What Goes Around.” Isn’t that special? We didn’t think so either.
8:34
Wait a minute! You mean to tell us that JT is performing twice tonight? Justin is nice with his, but he aint that nice.
Is that Denosh from Making the Band 32 on backup detail?
What? No “D**k in a Box”? Guess Justin is keeping his junk to himself tonight.
8:37
First, why is Justin still performing?
Second, whose idea was it to have JT mug and sing while holding a handheld video camera? That’s as played out as the Blair Witch Project.
8:38
Pink and T.I. take the stage to present a Lifetime Achievement Award to The Doors and the award for Best Female R&B Vocal Performance.
Why is Pink all screwfaced when T.I. is reading the nominees? She better recognize!
8:40
Queen Mary wins for “Be Without You” and takes the stage once again.
What is Mary talkin’ ’bout this time? Hills? Valleys? Lions, tigers and bears? Oh my!
8:46
What is Stevie Wonder doing? Did he have some happy juice before taking the stage? Did Mary J. Blige write his comments? Stevie finally introduces a performance by Grammy nominees Corinne Bailey Rae, John Legend, and John Mayer.
8:48
Is Corinne Bailey Rae the absolute cutest thing or what? As for the two Johns, they are putting their respective things down. VC simply hearts these three.
8:57
Nelly Furtado, Natasha Bedingfield, and Nicole S. the Pussycat Doll come on to present the award for Best Pop Vocal Album.
8:58
John Mayer wins for Continuum.
9:04
Shakira and Wyclef perform “Hips Don’t Lie”. We are so not ready for her jelly. But we’re gonna need for Wyclef to stop grabbing his junk.
9:08
Burt Bacharach and Seal come out to present the President’s Merit Award to A&M Records founders, Herb Alpert and Jerry Moss.
We just need someone to tell us what shade Lipglass Burt is wearing and how soon Seal’s hideous jacket will be burned at the stake.
They’re also presenting the award for Song of the Year. So soon in the night? Well, all righty then.
9:11
Sorry, Mary, the Dixie Chicks win for “Not Ready to Make Nice.”
9:19
Gnarls Barkley takes the stage and they are dressed as pilots. Captain Cee-Lo sings a rather interesting arrangement of “Crazy” backed by a band and choir dressed in similar airline-related garb.
9:23
Common and Kanye West come out to present the award for Best Rap Album. Why does Kanye insist on wearing these fugly hoodies? At least Common is upping the eye candy quotient.
They share some witty, clearly staged banter.
9:25
Ludacris wins! He comments in his acceptance speech that “all I had to do was cut my hair to win?” and gives a very special “shout out to Oprah and Bill O’Reilly.”
Luda, we’re gonna need you to give it up and turn it loose and breakthrough with Mary.
9:33
Terrence Howard comes on stage to present a Lifetime Achievement Award to Maria Callas. He then gives a campaign speech to introduce Mary J. Blige.
9:34
Mary comes out in a begins her performance of “Be Without You” with a spoken intro. VC isn’t feeling this new arrangement, but she does look great.
Mary will start jumping around and hollering in five, four, three, two, one. Yes! She doesn’t disappoint. Her onstage dramatics were right on schedule.
9:38
Time for the Country portion of the evening and another smokeless smoke break.
9:59
Natalie Cole looks radiant as she presents a Lifetime Achievement Award to Ornette Coleman. They both remain on stage to present the Best New Artist award.
10:01
Chris Brown does not win! Somebody pass young Chris some Kleenex.
10:07
Samuel L. Jackson and Christina Ricci come on stage to introduce the next performance by Smokey Robinson, Lionel Richie, and Chris Brown.
10:09
We’re a little mad at Smokey’s lace shirt but he still got it. How old is the Smokester? ‘Bout 105?
10:11
Lionel Richie makes us want to put our lighters in the air and sway from side to side. We’re trippin’ that he has more wrinkles than Smokey does, though.
10:13
Chris Brown comes out to “Run It” into the ground and stomp the yard at the same time.
Where did these little Bebe’s kids come from and how’d they learn to krump like that? We just hope they know their ABC’s as good as they know how to twerk it.
Chris is putting in some major work with all these flips and handstands and what not, but we’re gonna need him to practice that live singing and dancing thing a bit more.
10:17
Christina Aguilera is doing the James Brown tribute? Now this we got to see.
Wow. Blondie is really blowing on “It’s A Man’s World.” You go, girl.
10:29
The Grammy’s pours some out for the artists who aint here and shows the artists who passed on since the last telecast.
FINALLY! Someone includes J. Dilla on the list. Good looking out, Grammys.
Chris Brown gets on the good foot and does a dance tribute to James Brown.
J.B.’s infamous cape is brought out one last time and draped over the mic stand. Nice touch.
10:37
Rihanna and David Spade take the stage. Ring the alarm! It looks like Rihanna may even be wearing her own hair. They introduce a performance Ludacris, Mary J. Blige and Earth Wind & Fire.
10:38
EWF singer Philip Bailey is sounding like a train wreck right about now. Somebody stop him.
Luda finally comes on stage and starts rapping “Runaway Love.” He is soon joined by MJB who did a quick change and is working the '70s wig and halter jumpsuit from the Charlie’s Angels collection.
10:43
James Blunt sings the most annoying song of the year.
10:52
Jennifer Hudson comes out looking rather boobielicious to present the winner of the My Grammy Moment contest.
Robyn Troup comes out victorious and quickly makes her way from the front row to front and center on stage. She duets with Justin on “Ain’t No Sunshine” and “My Love.”
After witnessing her attempt to sing, dance, and keep up with JT, we’d like to demand a recount. She really needs to go sit down somewhere in her Pebbles Flintstone dress.
11:00
It’s time for the Record of the Year to be awarded. Can MJB do it?
Oops! Pow! Surprise! The Dixie Chicks win again.
11:08
Chris Rock comes out to introduce a performance by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. He cracks a joke somewhere in there.
11:11
Confetti rains down during the Red Hot Chili Peppers performance.
11:14
Al Gore and Queen Latifah come out to present the award for Best Rock Album while the Queen picks confetti out of her bosom.
11:23
Don Henley and Scarlett Johansson come out to present the final award of the night for Album of the Year.
11:24
The Dixie Chicks win. What a shocker.
11:27
Hallelujah! It’s over!
The Game Censors Himself at the BET Hip Hop Awards?
Tags: The Game
At last night's BET Hip Hop Awards The Game tweaked his verse in “One Blood” to leave out his little jab at snap music. You could tell from the look on his face that it wasn’t his idea.
DJ Unk Walks It Out at the BET Hip Hop Awards
At the BET Hip Hop Awards it would have been great to see Grady Baby No. 1 perform the “Walk It Out” remix with Outkast & Jim Jones, however their rendition of the original song was still memorable. Hundreds of teenagers “walked” up and down the aisles, giving the audience a taste of how it goes down on the city’s Westside.
